Always
by Adriana Morgan
Summary: Nuriko promsed Miaka he would find her again...when he is reincarnated as a novelist with a secret and Miaka is assigned as his editor will he remember his promise and if he does will he do anything about it? **New chapter posted 10/14/02**
1. Chapter One

**Always….**

**Chapter One**

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters. Those belong to the wonderful Ms. Yuu Watase and all those other companies that hold rights to them. ^_^

A/N: Always is a working title. I couldn't really come up with a good one but I wanted to go ahead and start posting chapters so here you go. Here are a few warnings about the story before you get started. ^_^

OVA's never happened and probably never will. This story takes place ten years after the last episode. If you are a firm believer that Nuriko is gay…don't read this story. You most likely won't like it. If you don't like the idea of Miaka and Nuriko as a couple this story isn't for you. 

Also, I changed some of the death scene around to suit my story, I hope this doesn't offend anyone. ^_^

I would also like to say thank you to KittyLynne for letting me bounce ideas off of her and for coming up with a truly fabulous description of Nuriko's body. ~_^

With that said onto the story and I hope you enjoy it!

*********************

                _Snow; it was still snowing.  The snowflakes that fell onto his face were mixed with warm tears. A weak smile grazed the young man's lips as he looked up into the grief-stricken face of his beloved.  _

_                "Why….why are you….crying?" He rasped. He tried to lift a hand to wipe away the tears, but it felt as if someone were holding his arms in place. Eventually he gave up the effort, closing his eyes in defeat. "Silly girl." He whispered, feeling her teardrops continue to fall from her cheeks onto his own. "It doesn't matter if I….well, it doesn't matter. I'll always….be with you. And no matter how long it takes….I'll find you…again." _

_                He could feel their eyes on him- the only woman he had ever loved and the other one. The one who had stolen her heart so easily. He didn't mind that she loved another because he knew, deep inside that she was his. Even if she did not realize it now, there would come a time when the two of them would be together, and once that day came, their love would be one that would surpass any other. _

_                "I'll always…love you." _

_                "Nuriko!" The girl cried, pulling him into her arms and rocking gently. He could feel her body shaking with the force of her sobs and finally found the strength to lift one hand to her hair. As his fingers slipped through the silky strands, he smiled one last time. _

_                "Always…" _

                Nick opened his eyes and sat up, looking around him as if searching for something. As his eyes adjusted and he took in the familiar surroundings, his dream and the sound of tears quickly receded from memory. He cast a quick glance at the alarm clock and at seeing the time, he swore softly. Three in the morning, and he was wide-awake once again. 

Just as he had been doing every day for the past year, he rose from the bed and padded to the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face.  After doing so, he stared at his reflection in the mirror above the sink, transfixed by the droplets of water running down his face. They reminded him of….something. Something unspeakably sad… and bittersweet...

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He said to his reflection, grabbing a towel from the nearby rack. He made his way back into his bedroom,  vigorously rubbing his face dry. As he lowered the towel, he spied the silent computer nearby, hesitated, and then pulled out his chair and flopped down, reaching for the power button. Since he was up he might as well write. He laughed to himself as he opened his word processing program. Wouldn't people be surprised to find out the famous romance novelist, Nicole Stacey, was actually a man named Nicholas Casey? 

                He had begun his romance writing career three years ago and could not explain what had motivated him, other than the fact that there were stories burning deep inside him that he could only purge himself of by putting them on paper.  Every tale took place in ancient China and always involved the same couple, but the relationship between these two people was so complex that he had been able to pen six novels already. His publisher could not believe how quickly he was turning in manuscripts but was appreciative of the fact that Nick never seemed to run out of ideas. However, despite the literary reputation he was making for himself, not even his closest friends actually knew what he did for a living. It was as if he shared this personal bit of his life he would lose something precious. Only his immediate family knew and they were sworn to secrecy. 

 Shaking his head to clear it of distractions, Nick began to type. The ideas flowing from his brain to the computer screen in lightening speed. Eventually he slowed down and took a deep breath, reading over the ten pages he had written. When he finished he glanced at the clock, grinned, and reached for the phone. After dialing a number, he leaned back in his chair, pulled up his solitaire program and began to play as he waited for an answer. 

"What's a another good word for breast?" He asked as the phone was answered, not even allowing the other party to say hello.

"Excuse me?" A feminine voice asked irritably. "Good god, Nicky, it's three in the morning and you call me to ask what a good word for breast is? Haven't you written like a hundred novels by now?" 

Nicholas chuckled softly at his sister's irate tone. "It's only six so far."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can I go back to sleep now?" Yawning loudly, she flopped back onto the bed, rubbing her eyes with one hand. 

"I…had another one of those dreams, Kat." He said softly, abandoning his game to lean his head back, his gaze going to the ceiling above.

Suddenly wide-awake, Kathleen Casey sat upright, her expression worried. "Have you been taking those pills the doctor gave you?"

"You've got to be kidding! Those things totally knock me out for at least twelve hours. I don't even dream, but in my opinion, it's not natural or even healthy  to not dream at all. I haven't been taking them and I don't plan to."

"But Nicky…"

"No buts, little sister, I just called to hear a friendly voice. Not to get a lecture." 

Kathleen sighed deeply but dropped the subject, knowing it would do no good to argue the point. "Rick called me today." She said off-handedly. 

"Oh really? And what did our wonderful big brother want this time?"

"He just called to see how we were doing. He said we never call him so he has no idea what's going on in our lives."

"Did you tell him the reason we don't call him is because all he does is whine the whole time?"

"Be nice, Nicky. He _is still our brother you know!"_

Nicholas sighed deeply.  "Yeah, I know. So how's Charles?"

"Ugh, I don't even want to talk about him."

"You guys have another fight?"

"Didn't I _just say I didn't want to talk about it? What about you? Are you still seeing that girl…um… Marie isn't it?"_

"She found out what I did for a living. Add that to my somewhat feminine looks and she was convinced I was gay. I haven't heard from her in a month." 

"Oh, Nicky, I'm sorry."

Her brother chuckled. "Don't be, Kat. She wasn't the one for me anyway."

Kathleen bit her lip as silence fell between them. His whole life Nicholas had been talking about "the one".  At first his parents had ignored it, figuring that it was his imaginary friend. But as the years progressed and Nick entered his teenage years, and he continued to speak of the one, they became worried. That was when the dreams had begun. He would wake in the middle of the night, tears streaming from his eyes and the same name on his lips. No one could ever make out  the name he screamed in the middle of the night, but they suspected it had to be the name of 'the one' he always spoke of. 

Eventually his parents resigned themselves to the fact that their youngest son was anything but normal and encouraged his siblings to never speak of his 'condition' as they always referred to it. To others it would seem they did not love their son, but it was love and concern  for him that was the very reason his parents never talked about those dreams, for any mention of them caused a deep sadness to appear in Nick's eyes, and he would walk around for days as if in a trance. 

"Don't worry." Nick's smile and voice were tinged with bitterness. "I'm not going to start again."

"That's not…"

"That is what you were trying to figure out how to say gently. That I should stop talking about the one and find a nice girl to settle down with. And I know you're right. I'm twenty-eight now, it's about time I stopped indulging in childhood fantasies. I only meant that Marie is not the kind of girl you settle down with if you know what I mean."

"What about the dreams?" She replied quietly, afraid to even broach the subject. 

"They'll go away." He said sadly, tears coming to his eyes unexpectedly. He wiped them away roughly and sighed. "They always go away so no worrying about me! I mean it, Kat- you have your own problems and  I'm sorry I called and woke you up. Go back to sleep now."

"It's okay, if you need to talk…"

"No, I'm fine now. Just needed a little human contact you know."

"Yeah, I know." She could hear the sadness in his voice and shook her head. Would her brother ever be truly happy? "Love you, Nicky."

"Me too, Kit Kat. Now go get some sleep." He knew she would be smiling over his childhood nickname for her as she hung up the phone and a smile graced his own lips as he hit the disconnect button at his end. 

He knew he shouldn't have called Kat so early since she taught third grade at the elementary school but just as he told her, he needed a little human contact. He lived in a small one-bedroom apartment in a duplex where neighbors did not greet one another outside. Everyone kept to themselves and expected others to do the same. The only other person he ever talked to was his editor and that was very rarely. His parents had died three years ago leaving nothing but debts and an old car that broke down more than it ran. He had inherited the car where it now sat in the parking lot below him, only driven once since he had acquired it . 

Yawning and rubbing his eyes, he rose from his seat and made his way to the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee, but halfway there he paused as a sliver of memory darted into his brain. A vision of a  young girl around the age of fifteen, with auburn hair and green eyes that danced with merriment filled his mind for a brief moment, and when it disappeared, Nick felt an aching emptiness that he could not explain.

 "I really gotta get some sleep." He muttered, before continuing on his way. 

****************

                An attractive elderly woman greeted  him as he entered the office with a warm smile on her face. "Nicholas my boy, you're right on time."

                "Mrs. Rosenthal, it's good to see you again." Nick replied. He accepted the small peck she placed on his cheek, and then settled into a seat in front of her desk

                "You've been up all night writing again." She scolded, clucking her tongue as she reseated herself behind the desk. "You need to take better care of yourself!" 

                Nick merely nodded, attempting to hide his amusement at the maternal scolding. The woman sitting before him had taken him under her wing as soon as his first manuscript was submitted and was one of the only agents at the company who actually knew he was a man. Having reached retirement age a few years ago, she had only recently began to seriously cut back on her workload. As far as he knew, he was now the only client she personally handled now, having turned all the others over to her young staff. She acted as a surrogate grandmother and he allowed her mothering ways, enjoying having someone fuss over him every once in a while. 

                "So what brought on this sudden meeting? I still have three weeks until my deadline." He asked, leaning back and crossing a leg. "Is there a problem of some sort?"

                "No, no, nothing like that." Agnes Rosenthal studied the young man seated before her and a  bemused smile curved her lips. She had loved Nick like a grandson and hated to leave him, but it was time. "I called you here to inform you that I am retiring." She stated, and then quickly started to shuffle through some papers lying on the desk to hide her flushed face and over-bright eyes.

                "What?" Nick's foot dropped to the floor as his jaw dropped almost to his chin.

                "Surely this is not a surprise to you." She snapped. "Look at me, I'm old! I'm tired of working, Nicholas."

                "But you gave no inkling…no kind of warning it was coming so soon!" Narrowing his eyes, Nick glared at the small woman. "You've had this planned for a while, haven't you?"

                She snorted and glanced back down at her papers. "Can't put anything past you, can I? Yes, I've known about this for a while. I waited until today to tell you because I didn't want you talking me out of it." Holding up a hand she smiled. "And don't deny that you would have tried…and that I would have let you. As it is, I've saved us both a lot of arguments and tears. Today is my last day, but don't worry about your contract, it still stands, even though I'm turning you over to a new girl. Her name is Miaka Yuki, just transferred here from our Japan office. She a lovely young girl and very bright." 

                "I'm sure she's great." Nick replied briefly, while shrugging off Agnes' praises of the girl in question.  She had been trying for years to fix him up with one girl or another and he wasn't about to give in to her now. "But I'll miss you, I don't know how I'll trust a new person."

                "Bah, get on with you. She'll keep your little secret although I haven't told her yet; I figured you could do that yourself. You have such a way with words, you know." Winking the old woman stood and held out her hands. 

                Nick also got to his feet and took the offered hands, and then pulled the woman into a warm embrace. "Things just won't be the same without you bitching at me." He said with a grin after she had released him.

                "Oh, don't worry, I'll still be doing my fair amount of bitching. There are these things called phones. And if you give that young woman any problems you'll hear plenty of it." Cackling she swatted his arm. "Now get out of here- Miaka is expecting you. Her office is two doors down on the right."

                One last hug and he was out the door, holding back the tears that he knew she would scold him for. As he arrived at the correct office door, Nick paused. Taking a deep breath, he knocked once and entered, shutting the door quickly behind him. Once inside, he glanced around the office that was so different from Agnes'. Compared to the old lady's inner sanctum, which had been warm and homey with plants and cushions everywhere, this office looked bare and impersonal with only a few paintings on the wall, a couple of chairs in front of a small desk, and a rather plan looking couch pushed against one wall. His eyes finally settled on the woman behind the desk, busily sifting through papers. She glanced up quickly, and then back down at her paperwork as she shook her head. 

                "I'm sorry but if you're here about a manuscript you want read, leave it with the receptionist please." She immediately forgot him, assuming that he would leave on his own. 

                Nick cleared his throat, sticking his hands in his pockets. "Excuse me, are you Ms. Yuki?"

                "Yes." She replied, not looking up. 

                "I believe you're expecting me."

                "I highly doubt that sir, I'm expecting a woman by the name of…"

                "Nicole Stacey, at your service." He replied. 

                "What in the world are you talking…" The woman finally looked up, her eyes widening upon seeing her visitor. 

He grinned at her stunned expression. "Mrs. R really should have told you I was a man, but she loves playing jokes on her people so…" 

                Miaka got to her feet and walked around the desk, her unsteady hands dropping the papers she was holding on the floor. It couldn't be him. It was impossible…wasn't it? But then again Tamahome had come from the book.  She walked towards of Nick, her disbelieving eyes never leaving his face. Stopping directly in front of him, she lifted a hand that seemed to freeze midway on its route to his face. 

                "N-Nuriko?" She whispered,  before everything went black. 

Nick lunged forward as she crumpled, catching her before she could hit the plush carpeting beneath them. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Always…**

**Chapter Two**

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or its characters.

                Nicholas caught the young woman in his arms and gently lowered her to the floor. Cradling her head in his lap, he gazed down at her delicate features, all the while wondering at the strange pulling deep inside of him. She seemed familiar to him but he knew he had never met her before. His eyes searched her face, trying to place where he had seen her. She moaned softly and opened her eyes, meeting those above her. 

                "I know I'm handsome, but I didn't expect you to faint at the site of me." Nicholas said with a grin that quickly faded when he saw the panicked look in the woman's eyes. "Hey, are you all right?"

                Miaka nodded. "I-I'm fine, thank you." She struggled to sit upright and then stumbled to her feet She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and held up one finger.  "I-If you'll excuse me for just a moment." 

               She made her way to the bathroom adjoining her office and closed the door softly behind her, and then went to the sink. Turning on the cold water, she splashed her face and the cool water instantly made her feel better, even though she was still wracked with confusion.

 "Get a grip, Miaka." She whispered to herself as she dried her hands and face. "It can't be him, it….it's just someone who resembles him, that's all. There's no one in either world that could look exactly like Nuriko." She threw the towel into the sink, then stood looking at it and biting her lip. "And even if by some miracle it _is him, he obviously doesn't know who I am anyway," she sighed._

                Ending her one-sided conversation, Miaka pasted a bright smile on her face before opening the door. "I'd like to offer my apologies for all of that." She said as she took her seat behind the desk, and clasped her hands in her lap to hide their shaking. 

                "No problem. Are you sure you're all right?" Nick asked, while easing into the chair in front of her.

                "I'm fine!" She said brightly. "I skipped breakfast this morning, that's probably all that's wrong." At that moment her stomach growled lightly and she laughed. "See? Now, let me formally introduce myself. My name is Miaka Yuuki."

                "Nicholas Casey." He returned smiling slightly. "Or Nicole Stacey- whichever you prefer." 

                "Nice to meet you Mr. Casey, now…."

                "Nick." 

                "Excuse me?" 

                "Call me Nick. Mr. Casey makes me feel old and Nicholas makes me feel like a child."

                "In that case I insist you call me Miaka." Her smile was genuine this time, softening her face and causing her eyes to dance. 

                Nick nodded slowly, unable to take his eyes from hers. He couldn't explain why but he had the sudden urge to pull her across the desk and kiss her. Tearing his gaze from hers, he stood and began to pace around the room. 

                "Since I'll be taking over for Mrs. Rosenthal, I've started reading your books and I must say they are quite enjoyable." Miaka said, finally breaking the tense silence that had fallen between them. "I had several ideas for book signings and personal appearances but now that I've met you I assume you pretty much stay out of the public eye?" At his nod she continued, as a plan began brewing in her head. "Then I'll be sure to keep that in mind." 

              He stopped pacing.  "Thank you." 

She smiled at him, and then glanced at her watch. "I'm sorry to cut our meeting short but I have another appointment to keep. However, I did make reservations for the two of us for dinner tonight." A light blush dusted her cheeks and she began to play with the ring on her finger. "Of course that was before I knew you were….well, it was a business dinner in any event… so if you don't have any plans tonight…"

                "What time?" Nick interrupted. A smile played around the corners of his mouth. 

                "The reservation is for seven. If you'd like to meet me back here at… say six-thirty, we can walk." 

                "Sounds great. I'll see you then." With a small wave Nick quickly exited the office, letting out a deep breath as the door closed behind him. Emotions that he couldn't explain were running through his body and when he looked down he realized his hands were shaking. 

                "So how did it go?" Agnes asked, appearing at his side as if by magic. "Isn't she a lovely young woman?"

                Nick laughed and put an arm around the old woman's shoulders. "Don't you ever give up, Mrs. R?"

                "Why should I? You are a very handsome young man and there's no reason why you shouldn't be married by now. Now take Miss Yuuki for example. She's just as attractive and unmarried, you two would make a beautiful couple."

                "Ahh…then you must not have noticed the ring on her finger." 

                Agnes snorted as they began to make their way down the hall. "I saw it- I'm old, not blind! So she's engaged-so what? She's not married yet and I've heard her talk about that man of hers. No matter what she says,  to me it's not natural that they've known each other ten years and still haven't tied the knot." She shook  her head and then paused outside her office door. "Take my advice, Nicholas and don't let her get away. I don't know, why but as soon as I met her I knew she was the one for you." 

                The woman's words reverberated throughout Nick's body and he simply stood there, stunned. That had been the source of the feeling he had when he was holding her in his arms. The moment that his arms had closed around her, he had thought 'She's the one'. He couldn't explain it then and he couldn't now but he just _knew and although the feeling had vanished almost as quickly as it came,  he would always remember it- and her._

                Snapping out of his reverie, he laughed nervously as he hugged the old woman. "I'm really going to miss you, Mrs. R." 

                "When are you going to stop that Mrs. R business and call me Agnes like I told you to?"

                "As soon as you accept my marriage proposal." He shot back with a grin. It was a running joke between the two of them. After a messy breakup with a girlfriend two years ago, Nick had told Agnes she was the only woman who was constant in his life, besides his sister, and had jokingly begged her to marry him. 

                The small woman cackled gleefully and swatted at his arm. "Get on with you." Smiling warmly at him she patted his cheek. "I'm going to miss you too, Nicholas. Now get out of here before I start crying. You know how I hate to smudge my makeup!" 

                His own eyes misting, Nick leaned down and kissed one wrinkled cheek. He then turned and walked away without another word, knowing she would want it that way. 

*****************

                Miaka rushed into the busy restaurant and paused right inside the doorway, standing on her toes to gaze out across the filled tables. Finally spotting who she was looking for she waved and carefully pushed her way through the crowd. "Sorry I'm late." She gasped, flopping down breathlessly into a seat and shrugging out of her jacket. 

                "It's okay… but my flight leaves in two hours." Tamahome replied, while giving her a tight smile. It had been this way the whole two weeks he had been visiting. Miaka was always rushing off to a meeting while he was left alone to blankly stare at the TV. She had told him to go sightseeing, of course, but without her it didn't hold the same appeal. 

                Miaka stared at her fiancé, a small frown on her face. She knew he had felt neglected this visit but there was nothing she could do about it. Suddenly she smiled and reached across the table to squeeze his hand gently. "I know, why don't you delay returning to school? After my business dinner tonight, I can take a few days off and we can tour the city together."

                "You know I can't do that, Miaka." He scolded, removing his hand from hers and placing it in his lap. "I still have two more months before I graduate and I can't afford to miss any classes." 

                "Oh." Blushing slightly she pulled her hand back across the table and clasped it with it's mate in her lap. She was sorry now that she had even mentioned him staying. Frankly, she was sorry he had even come to visit at all, because all they had done the whole two weeks was fight-when Tamahome wasn't ignoring her, that is. He had been attending graduate school for the past few years and seemed to resent the fact that she had accepted a position in the States. 

Twisting the ring he had given her so many years ago, she nervously cleared her throat. "Tamahome…I've been thinking…"

                "Me too." He interrupted. "This long distance thing is terrible. I've been thinking maybe we should go ahead and set a date."

                "A date?" She looked at him blankly.

                "A wedding date, silly."

                "But…"

                "It's what, November now? We can set it for February. That will give me time to graduate and get settled in a job and you can tie things up here and come back to Japan."

                "But…"

                "It'll be great, Miaka. We find a small apartment, just for now, and finally be together again. No more late night phone calls and endlessly writing long letters."

                Miaka stared at him in disbelief. "Wait a minute." She said holding up a hand. "You expect me to just drop everything, give up my job and move back to Japan?"

                "Well…yeah." Tamahome replied in surprise. "I already have a job waiting for me. It pays too much to just turn down."

                "But what about my job? My _career?"_

                He frowned in confusion. "You can just transfer back to the Japan office."

                "No…I can't! I wasn't needed at the Japan office, Tamahome; I'm _needed here. If I leave this job, I won't have one waiting for me in Japan."_

                A smile came to his lips and he shrugged. "So what? I'll be making enough to support the two of us, even with that appetite of yours."

                Closing her eyes, Miaka slowly counted to ten and then opened them again. "That isn't the point." She bit out. "The point is that I love what I do and I love it here. Today I was just handed one of the biggest clients the company has and now you tell me you just want me to give it all up? I can't believe how selfish you're being!"

                Tamahome glanced around, and grinned nervously at seeing the attention they were drawing. "Look, Miaka, I know I've kinda sprung this on you and you probably need some time to think about it. That's okay. You're coming for my graduation ceremony, right?" Seeing her tight nod, he continued in a softer tone. "All right, you can give me your decision then. Just think about it, that's all I'm asking."

                "I'll…think about it." 

                "Great." Giving her a warm smile he stood and pulled her to her feet. "I have to go now if I'm going to catch my flight. I'll call you when I get home, okay?"

                Miaka smiled and accepted his kiss and then watched his retreating back as he made his way out the door thinking that their years together had changed him. Not in appearance… but in attitude. Or perhaps she had changed, either way they were not the same people as they had been in the book. 

                Sighing she sat back down and nibbled on a breadstick as tears misted her eyes. There was a time when she would have moved heaven and earth to be with Tamahome. Now all he was asking her to do was give up her job, a job she loved dearly and enjoyed to the point of looking forward to opening her office door each morning. It was true she could find another job in Japan but here, in America, at this company, she felt as if she truly belonged. 

                Nicholas Casey's face sprang to the forefront of her mind and she brushed her tears away angrily. What she had told Tamahome was the truth; attaining Nick Casey as a client was a big career step for her and she would not give it up. It was Tamahome's turn to sacrifice everything. If he still wanted to be with her he would just have to learn to accept the fact that he would have to come to her. 

                 Feeling better at having made a decision, Miaka picked up the menu and perused it before quickly signaling the waiter. Suddenly her appetite had returned ten-fold. 

******************

Agnes Rosenthal stared out of the office window that was not really hers, a smile playing around her lips. As Suzaku had commanded she had brought the two together. The rest was up to them. 

                Stepping back from the large window she closed her eyes and chanted quietly under her breath. A soft red light formed around the old woman's body, getting brighter as each word left her mouth until it finally seemed to swallow her and she disappeared. 


	3. Chapter Three

Always…

**Chapter Three**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything **sob**

                Miaka stood at her second story office window, arms crossed and staring out into the darkening street below. A chill rushed over her body as she saw a yellow taxi pull up outside the building. A quick glance at her watch told her the Nick was right on time. She watched as he ran into the building just as drops of rain began to fall from the sky. 

                The young woman quickly pushed a stray lock of hair back into her French twist and took a deep breath. She had all but convinced herself that Nick Casey was not Nuriko. True, there was a strong resemblance but that was just coincidence and her overactive imagination. With the problems she and Tamahome had been having it was no surprise that she longed to see her old friends again. Just the thought of them brought a smile to her face and she quickly became lost in her memories. 

                Nick found her that way, standing next to her desk, a dreamy smile on her face and a slight blush on her cheeks. Leaning against the doorway, he took advantage of the opportunity to study her and his eyes traveled the length of her body and back up again, finally coming to rest on her face.  

He couldn't explain why, but he was drawn to her in a way he had never been to anyone in his life. Just being in the same room with her made him want to grab her and never let go. 

                He had never really known love before. Growing up he had been teased because of his feminine looks, often being mistaken for his sister. Upon entering high school he had done his best to remedy the situation, signing up at a gym and working out sometimes for hours each day. The hard work had paid off somewhat, giving him a muscular physique that women seemed to admire. After graduation and through college, there had been women he had been intimate with. He had even been engaged a few years ago. But he had never felt a connection with those women. . Not like he had seemed to have after five minutes alone with Miaka. He had barely talked to the woman but he now couldn't image living a life without her in it. _Forget it, Nick. He told himself, a wry grin coming to his lips. __She's taken and are you really surprised? Besides why would she want a man who looks like a woman and writes romance novels? She probably thinks you're gay for Heaven's sake. _

                A clap of thunder shook the building and Miaka jumped, thrust from her thoughts. "Nick! How long have you been standing there?" She asked, a hand coming to her chest.

                "Not that long." He smiled and pushed away from the door. "Looks like it's about to start coming down pretty hard."

                "I hate storms." She sighed, staring out at the quickly blackening sky. 

                "I have an idea! Why don't we stay here for our meeting? We can order Chinese and let the delivery guy get good and soaked while we stay in here where it's nice and dry."

                Miaka giggled softly. "I think that's an excellent idea." Picking up a gym bag lying next to the desk she added, "I'm going to go change. I hate stuffy clothes and I've had to endure them all day. Why don't you order while I'm gone?"

                "Sure thing."  As Nick dialed the restaurant, he tried to push away the images of Miaka undressing in the next room. His gaze lingered to the closed door he wandered how he would ever get through this meeting. Perhaps from now on he would have to insist on phone calls and emails, because the attraction he had for her would do neither of them any good and it was best that he kept his distance. 

                Hanging up the phone, he grinned as she emerged from the bathroom. Her hair was now piled on top of her head in a ponytail and instead of the business suit she had been wearing she now sported a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. 

                "What?" Miaka asked, upon seeing his grin. 

                "Oh… nothing." Unwilling to tell her just how cute she looked. _Stop it! He told himself. __Just stop right now before you say or do something you'll regret._

                "I know these sweats are hideous looking,  but they're comfortable." She said, making a face. "Now while we're waiting for the food to get here, why don't we talk about an idea I have?"

                "Sounds good to me." Flopping down on a plush couch, he looked up at her expectantly. 

                "Now before you say anything, let me finish. Your book sales are fantastic, which you already know. But they could be so much better if you would do book signings and personal appearances." Nick opened his mouth to speak and she held up a hand. "Let me finish. Now, the only problem with that is that your readers think you're a woman and probably would not like the fact that they were deceived. No matter how good your writing is they would turn on you. Figuring that a man could not understand the thoughts and emotions of a woman. Your sales would drop and your writing career would most likely be over. _But I have a way for you to make personal appearances and keep your identity secret." _

                Sitting down in one of the comfortable looking chairs in front of her desk she pulled her legs beneath her and grinned at him excitedly. "My idea is to disguise you as a woman."

                "What!" Nick stared at her, his mouth hanging open. 

                "It's perfect, don't you see? You have a slight figure and your face has the delicate bone structure of a woman." Sadness filled her eyes and her grin turned into a soft smile. "Actually I had a friend who looked almost exactly like you. He lived most of his life _as a woman."_

                "Yeah? What made him stop?" Resting his arms on his knees, Nick leaned forward. 

                "I-I'm not sure." She lied picking at an imaginary piece of lint on her leg. "He…he was…killed not too long after."

                "I'm sorry."

                Miaka wiped her eyes quickly and forced a smile. "But that was a long time ago. My point is that you could easily pass as a woman if you tried."

                Even knowing that she was right, Nick still felt a shot of pain pierce his heart. Over the years he had learned to ignore the teasing and name-calling. He had built a wall around his heart, not allowing anything that anyone said bother him. Looking into her wide eyes, he knew she meant no harm in her assessment.  And she was right, of course, he looked like a woman _without trying. It was passing himself off as the man he was that he had a problem with. That fact had never bothered him all that much lately, but knowing that __she saw him as feminine made him hate his appearance for the first time in years. Noticing that a small frown had formed on her face because of his silence he cleared his throat and smiled slightly._

                "All right, I'll give it a shot." 

                Miaka held back the squeal of delight that immediately came to her lips and instead graced him with a huge smile. "Fantastic! Trust me, Nick, this is the best career move you can make."

                "We'll see." He said dubiously. 

                "I'll have my assistant set up a few appointments for us tomorrow. So clear your schedule for Friday." She rose from her chair and headed around the desk, promptly tripping over the discarded gym bag. A small shriek caught her in throat just as Nick's strong arms broke her fall. 

                "Are you okay?" He asked, holding her steady. 

                "F-Fine." She stammered pulling away from him, trying to ignore the way his hands felt on her waist. Stepping down on her right foot she cried out, falling against his chest. "I must have twisted my ankle." 

                "Can you make it to the couch?" 

                "I think so." Her voice trailed off as she looked up, meeting his gaze with hers. Oh so familiar violet eyes seemed to stare right into her soul. 'No matter how long it takes….I'll find you…again.' Nuriko's words echoed through her mind and she knew in that moment that he had indeed found her again. 

                Nick gazed down in the emerald depths of Miaka's eyes, impure thoughts racing through his mind as every nerve in his body screamed to be closer to her. Nothing in his twenty-eight years had ever felt as right as having her in his arms. It was true that he wrote about love and passion on a daily basis but had never felt the same intensity that the characters in his books did. He now knew what it was all about. He felt as if he had been searching for this one person his whole life and knew that he had finally found her. 

                They both jumped violently as a knock sounded on the open office door. 

                "You the ones who ordered this food?" 

Nick was the first to break eye contact and turn his head. "Oh…yeah." Picking up the still silent Miaka, he carried her to the couch and set her down gently. He then reached into his pocket and withdrew a wad of bills, shoving them at the deliveryman without counting it. "Keep the change." 

                "Cool, thanks!" 

                Kneeling down beside the couth, Nick set the food on the floor and looked at Miaka, deep concern evident in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

                The young woman smiled vaguely and avoided his gaze as she gave him a small nod. "I'm fine. I just need to prop it up for a little while. This isn't the first time this has happened. I'm a bit prone to tripping over things." 

                "Well if the pain gets any worse let me know and I'll take you to the hospital."

                Looking up she gave him a soft smile. "Thanks but I'll be fine, trust me. Now what did you order? I'm starving!"

                A small time later they were both laughing over their food. Miaka sat on the couch, back propped against one of the arms; one leg tucked her under her while the other with the hurt ankle stretched out in front of her. Nick sat on the floor by her legs smiling up at her as she relived her college years for his amusement. 

                "So tell me about this boyfriend of yours." He said casually when she paused. 

                "Tamahome?" Miaka asked, her eyes clouding. "Well, we've been together since I was fifteen. We've always known we'd get married one day but…"

                "But what?"

                "Do you always ask so many questions?" 

                "It's part of my job." He said with a grin. "So if you guys have known all this time that you would one day tie the knot, how come you haven't yet?"

                Miaka bit her lip as she pondered his question. Why _hadn't they already married? After high school she had been more than ready to settle down. She and Tamahome had been attending the same university and had shared an apartment for the four years she had been there. Marriage had not been mentioned in all those years. At her graduation ceremony, Tamahome had slipped a diamond ring on her finger with a smile and still the word was never uttered. It was simply understood that they would always be together. _

                "I don't know why." She said now looking down into her food. "I thought at first it was because of school. Tamahome thought it was important that we both work, that way we would never be in financial trouble. So I got my degree and began working while he attended graduate school. When I was offered the position here I was sure he'd come with me. Transfer to a university here…but he didn't."

                Pausing in her explanation, Miaka was stunned and embarrassed to feel tears coming to her eyes. The man sitting beside her might be a reincarnation of her dear friend Nuriko, but in this life she had known him less than a day and already she was spilling her heart out to him. 

                "I'm sorry." She said softly glancing up at him.

                "Sorry? For what?" 

                Shrugging slightly she turned her attention back to her food, absently picking up noodles with her chopsticks only to drop them back in the container. "You asked me a simple question and I start telling you our whole history."

                "You've barely told me anything." He said with a grin. "Telling me your whole history would involve the first time you kissed, the first time you said I love you and the first time you had sex. All of which I really _don't want to know."_

                Miaka giggled and met his gaze. "So why aren't you married? Or at least involved?"

                "And who says I'm not involved?"

                "Mrs. Rosenthal. She made it a point to tell me that you are _very available."_

                Nick groaned and rolled his eyes. "She's been trying to set me up ever since she met me." He shook his head. "I'm not involved…because I don't want to be." He said simply.

                "Ah, you're one of those."

                "One of what?"

                "A confirmed bachelor."

                Nick laughed. "I can honestly say I've never heard that before. Just what is a 'confirmed bachelor'?"

                "It means you're single and will always be single. Even the thought of marriage or commitment makes you shake like a leaf."

                "Oh but you are so wrong. I'm ready to settle down. Hell, I've _been ready. But when you look like I do it's kind of hard to find a Saturday night date, much less someone you want to spend the rest of your life with." _

                "The way you look?" She asked with a confused look.

                "Come on, you said it yourself. If I try I can realistically pass for a woman. Who wants to date a man who's prettier than she is?"

                Miaka grinned. "Lots of women. Besides, just because I said you could _pass for a woman, doesn't mean you __look like a woman now. There are plenty of men with the same kind of bone structure you have and do you know what they're doing? Modeling, that's what! You're a very handsome man, Nick, don't let what some adolescent teenagers said over ten years ago rule the way you live your life now. __You know you're a man and any woman who has any taste in men is going to see how gorgeous you are."_

                "So you think I'm gorgeous huh?" He asked, the corner of his mouth tilting up slightly. 

                She blushed prettily. "Um, well, you know…"

                "No, tell me."

                Glancing up quickly, she spied the mischievous glint in his eyes and glared at him. "Don't push it. I'd hate to dump this Lo Mien over your head and ruin this beautiful, brand new carpet." 

                "You wouldn't dare!"

                "Wouldn't I?" She asked raising an eyebrow. "I can always cover the stain up with a rug."

                Nick laughed and held up his hands defensively. "Ok, ok, I give. So how did you get a corner office anyway? One with a bathroom at that? You can't be more than, what, twenty-three twenty-four? Most people have to be with a company for years before they get a set-up like this." 

                The color on Miaka's face deepened as she set her carton on the floor. "I'm twenty-five and the reason I have this nice office is because my brother's best friend owns the company. I _told him not to give me special treatment but Keisuke must have gotten to him." She sighed and shook her head. "My brother means well… but sometimes he doesn't realize that I need to do things on my own. Anyway, I was sure I would have a small office and maybe a nice view. Needless to say when I was shown to this one I was speechless. I didn't even get to pick out the furniture myself." She confessed with a hint of longing. "Sometimes it's almost as if I'm not even living my own life. All my decisions are made by other people, from where I live to whom I should love." _

                Nick stared at the forlorn woman in front of him and wished he could erase the sadness from her eyes. "So why don't you just tell them all what _you want?" He asked softly._

                "Because I'm not sure what that is," she admitted ruefully. "There was a time when I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. And I moved heaven and earth to make it happen. But it didn't turn out the way I thought I would and it wasn't as great as I thought it would be."

                "So you made one mistake- we all make mistakes! We either fix them or realize there's nothing we can do about it and move on. Sometimes destiny makes our decisions for us."

                "And sometimes our decisions make our destiny." Miaka smiled sadly and shook her head. "Listen to me whining about my life when I have everything I could ever want. I have a job, a fiancé and a family I love dearly. To ask for more would be selfish." Touching her ankle gingerly, her smile brightened. "It's all better now! I told you I'd be fine." 

                Nick scrambled to his feet as he noticed Miaka trying to rise. "Careful."

                "You worry too much, see it's-" Her sentence was interrupted by a small cry as she tried to put weight on her injured ankle. Losing her balance she fell into strong arms for the second time that day. 

                "We really have to stop meeting this way." He said with a grin.

                Miaka looked up and all the words she was about to say quickly melted from her mind. She could feel the hard muscles of his arms through his thin shirt and idly wondered how anyone could mistake him for a woman. His raven hair was short except on top, where it stubbornly fell into his eyes on a constant basis. Her eyes searched his face and she noticed his beauty mark for the first time. It brought a smile to her lips and she touched it gently. "You still have it."

                He frowned slightly. "What? That ugly mole? I hate the damn thing. One of these days I'll have it removed."

                "No!" She almost shouted then blushed, continuing in a softer tone. "Don't."

                "All right, I won't." He answered softly. His heart was racing as he felt her lean into him slightly. Tightening his grip on her waist he let his eyes travel over her features, finally coming to rest on her mouth. _Don't you dare. He warned himself. __She's engaged and she's your editor. There are a million reasons why you shouldn't kiss her so don't even try it. All of his warnings and good intentions flew out the window as he felt her hands entangle themselves in his hair, pulling his head closer to hers. Ignoring the voice in his head he lay his hands on the small of her back and pulled her more fully against his body._

                Miaka knew it was wrong. She shouldn't be having these feelings for another man; especially one who she was almost positive was a reincarnation of her friend. At that moment it didn't matter or perhaps it never would. It felt right and she was tired of everyone telling her what she was supposed to do. What if Tamahome wasn't her destiny after all? What if Nuriko had not been killed that day so long ago? _What if… She thought, as she felt his warm breath caress her face. _

                The loud ringing of the phone made them both jerk violently, Nick unconsciously releasing his hold on Miaka, causing her to fall back onto the couch. "Shit, I'm sorry." He apologized. 

                "Don't worry about it. Could you answer that for me please?" Miaka tried to calm her racing heart as she watched Nick pick up the phone. 

                "Yeah hold on a sec." Holding out the receiver he smiled. "Never expected it'd be for you did you?"

                She laughed slightly and struggled to her feet, hopping over to flop down in her desk chair. "Hello?" 

                "Who is that?" Tamahome asked immediately. 

                "A client. Did you just get home?"

                "Yeah, have you thought about what we talked about?"

                Miaka sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I haven't really had time."

                "I see." He replied in a flat tone. "I guess I'll see you in a few weeks then."

                "I'll just go ahead and leave." Nick whispered grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. 

                Placing her hand over the mouthpiece she shook her head. "You don't have to…"

                "It's all right. I have an idea burning in my mind that I need to get out before I sleep tonight. Let me know what time I should be here Friday." 

                "Miaka, are you listening to me?" Tamahome asked impatiently. 

                Nodding to Nick she sighed into the phone once more. "Yes, Tamahome, I'm listening."

                "I talked to Yui and all the arrangements have been made. Your flight leaves at 6 am and you two will be sharing a hotel room."

                Miaka frowned. "A hotel room? Why can't I just stay with you like I always do? And you talked to Yui? When? I thought you just got home."

                "My parents are going to be here and we can't sleep in the same room with them around. A hotel room makes the most sense. And I _did just get home. I talked to Yui before I called you. I wanted to find out all the information before I talked to you."_

                "Tamahome, your parents know we shared an apartment for four _years. I don't think they're going to care if we share the same room for two days." _

                "Please don't make a big deal out of this, Miaka. So we're not going to be in a bed together- it's just a place to sleep, after all." 

                "Fine." Rubbing the bridge of her nose she closed her eyes and leaned her head back. "I'll call Yui later and find out the specifics."

                "Great. I'm beat, so I'm heading off to bed. Talk to you soon."

                "I love you…" Her voice ended in a whisper as she realized she was talking to the dial tone. 


	4. Chapter Four

Always…

**Chapter Four**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters. ^_^

_He was in what seemed to be a cave and it was raining. Miaka sat before him, her chin in his hand, their eyes gazing deeply into each other's. There was someone else there but he didn't know whom. It didn't matter though, all that matter was that if he moved just a few inches closer, his lips would be pressed against hers. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, the intensity of it getting louder and louder… _

                Nick groaned and rolled over, cracking one eye to look at the alarm clock, only to remember that he had unplugged it the night before. Unwilling to admit that it was his thoughts of Miaka that kept him awake; he had blamed it on the red glow of the clock. 

The pounding on the front door continued and he finally rolled out of bed. 

                "I'm coming!" He yelled rubbing his eyes. "Hold your horses!" 

                "And just where were you last night, mister?" His sister demanded, as he swung the door open. 

                "Huh? What time is it?" 

                "Eight o'clock."

                "In the morning?" 

                "Yes, in the morning." Kat said imitating him. "You should really clean up around here." Picking her way around piles of clothes she made her way to the kitchen. As she put on a pot of coffee she glanced at her brother over her shoulder. "So where were you?"

                "What are you talking about?" Taking a seat at the small table, Nick smothered a yawn.

                "You were _supposed to have dinner with Rick and me last night." _

                "Shit." He muttered finally remembering. "Sorry about that. I had a meeting with my new editor." 

                "New editor? What happened to Agnes?"

                "She retired."

                "Oh. So what's this new person like?"

                Nick smiled, remembering the time he had spent with Miaka the night before. Never had he been as comfortable with any woman. It was if he had known her for years. Remembering their almost kiss, his smile widened. "She's nice. Easy to talk to and seems really excited to work with me."

                "Is she pretty?" Kat grinned mischievously. 

                "I guess." He answered, trying to sound nonchalant, his smile fading. "She's my editor so it doesn't matter if she's Miss America or the wicked witch of the west. Her looks have nothing to do with it."

                "Uh huh. I see." 

                "What's that supposed to mean?"

                "Oh nothing." She said innocently, turning her back to pour the coffee she had just prepared. 

                "I mean it, Kat! Our relationship is strictly professional and I plan to keep it that way."

                 "If you say so." Handing him a full cup she sat across from him and blew into her own cup.

                "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

                "Thanksgiving break started today." She replied frowning at him. "I was worried about you so I came to make sure you were ok. You couldn't even call me?"

                "I'm really sorry. I completely forgot about it. I take it Rick was just heartbroken?"

                "Actually he was pretty upset. He hasn't seen you in, what, three years? Really, Nick, it's not like he lives that far away. It wouldn't kill you to go visit him sometime."

                "So he can whine about how I get paid to sit on my ass while he's out there slaving away day after day? No thank you."

                Kat sighed and set down her coffee. Her brothers had never really got along and she didn't know why. They loved each other, that much she knew. One would gladly give up their lives for the other but they just couldn't seem to see eye to eye. The only thing they had in common was their love for her. "So what are you doing tomorrow? I bought these tickets to that new play that is showing but since Charles and I aren't talking I have no one to go with."

                "I'd love to, Kat, but I have an all day appointment tomorrow. Don't know how long it's gonna take me."

                "Really? What kind of appointment?"

                Nick blushed and turned his eyes to the table. "Just something my editor wants me to do."

                "Come on, tell me." Reaching across the table she nudged his arm until he met her gaze. "It can't be that bad." 

                "Wanna bet?" He sighed and shook his head. "She has this idea that if I do book signings and interviews, my book sales will increase."

                "And?" She prompted when he hesitated.

                "The only way I can do that and still keep Nicole Stacey alive is to pass myself off as a woman." He said hurriedly, his words running together.

                "A woman?" Laughter pulled at the corners of her mouth and she coughed. 

                "Yeah." The color on his face deepened. "So all day tomorrow I'm going to be at some spa getting a makeover." 

                Finally unable to help herself, Kat laughed loudly. "And she actually thinks this is going to work?"

                "Why wouldn't it? I already look like a woman."

                His sister shook her head and her laughter faded. She looked at him objectively as she could, trying to see him not as her brother but as a man. She could admit that his facial features were delicate and his hands were long and graceful, but to her, that's where his femininity ended. His tousled hair, beautifully shaped brows, thickly lashed eyes and beauty mark may have been constant source of envy for the women he met, but the firm mouth, the hard, angular jaw and the strong curves of his neck proclaimed an undeniable masculinity.  Sitting in the kitchen sans shirt, Nick was every inch a man. His body was that of a thoroughbred; lean and powerful, with beautifully defined pectorals and flanks.

 She was surprised the women didn't swoon over him constantly. 

                Despite his good looks, he had always been teased. Never able to find a date in high school he had spent most of his time alone. Writing stories that would one day turn into best selling romance novels. His parents had always worried about his sexual preference, encouraging him to do what they believed to be male activities. Football, baseball, basketball-Nick had played them all to make his parents happy and because of the training involved, his musculature was toned and well defined. His masculinity had always been obvious to those who knew and loved him. Katherine's friend, Sarah, had always had a crush on her older brother but he had never noticed. Too caught up in proving himself, he had overlooked what was right in front of him. 

                Kat shook her head again and sighed. "I can't make you believe me, but I say that the pope looks more like a woman than you do."

                Nick let escape a snort of laughter and shook his head. "You always did have a way with words." 

                "Well, you know what I mean. When are you going to get over this low self image of yours?"

                He opened his mouth to answer when the phone rang. Relief washed through him. They had had this same conversation close to a thousand times with no results. He was thankful he did not have to sit through another lecture, no matter how much he adored his little sister.

                "Yeah?" He said into the phone, propping the receiver on his shoulder. 

                "Nick? Hi, it's Miaka."

                "Miaka?" Casting a quick glance at his sister he turned his back, unconsciously lowering his voice. A rush of pleasure traveled through his body, making him nervous yet excited. "What's up?"

                "I know I told you to clear your schedule for tomorrow but it's going to have to be today."

"That's not a problem. What time?" 

                "Now? I'm really sorry for the short notice but they don't have another space open for another month."

Nick frowned slightly. "Just where are you taking me anyway?"

"You'll see." He could hear the smile in her voice and he couldn't help but return it. "Trust me, it won't be painful." 

                "Ok, I trust you but if it's even the smallest bit painful you have to go to dinner with me." Stunned at what had just come out of his mouth, Nick held his breath.

                Miaka hesitated for a moment before answering. "O-Okay." She finally said. _Calm down, Miaka. She told herself. __Even if you do end up having to go out with him, it's not a date. Just dinner, that's all, just like last night. Her thoughts turned to the night before and way his arms had felt around her and she shook her head, quickly pushing them aside. "I'll pick you up in twenty minutes." _

                "Do you mind if I bring someone with me?" 

                Ignoring the shot of jealousy she felt Miaka forced cheerfulness she did not feel. "I don't mind. You might need the company. It's going to be a long day."

                Hanging up the phone, she noticed her hands were shaking slightly. Why did the thought of Nick being with another woman cause this intense reaction? She had no right to him. None at all. She was engaged to a wonderful man. 

                _So wonderful that he's giving you an ultimatum. The thought made her pause. Once it was out in the open she could not deny that what Tamahome had said to her was exactly that-an ultimatum. Either way she would lose something she loved. Tamahome or her career…there had been a time when the decision would have been easy. Tamahome was her whole world, wasn't he? Then why was the decision becoming more and more difficult to make?_

                Thirty minutes later, Nick and Kat stepped outside into the bright morning sunlight. Nick quickly put on his Ray Bans and grimaced. 

                "I hate mornings."

                "You need to get out into the sunlight more. You're beginning to look like a vampire!" His sister teased, pulling her hair back into a barrette to keep the long tresses out of her face.

                Tugging on a strand that escaped her attention he grinned. "You're one to talk. I thought Charles bought you a membership to that tanning salon."

                Kat made a face as she dug her sunglasses out of her pocketbook. "Charles was always trying to change me one way or another. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of using the membership."

                "What happened with you guys?"

                "Oh look, that must be her." Avoiding her brother's questioning gaze, Kat headed towards the approaching car. "Shotgun." She grinned back over her shoulder, opening the passenger door. 

                "Brat." He muttered, taking a seat in the back. 

                His sister quickly turned in her seat, facing Miaka. "Hi! I'm Katherine, but you can call me Kat. You must be Nicky's new editor. My brother was his usual rude self and didn't tell me your name." 

                Miaka couldn't help but smile at the perky brunette sitting beside her and ignored the rush of relief she felt at hearing this stunning beauty was Nick's sister. "I'm Miaka Yuuki. It's nice to meet you." 

                "So where's this mystery destination we're headed to?" Kat asked as Miaka pulled the car into traffic. 

                "There's a new spa about twenty miles outside of town. Very serene. We're getting your brother a make over."

                Fastening her seatbelt, Nick's sister glanced at the other woman from the corner of her eye. "You really think this whole woman thing is going to work?"

                "It's amazing what a little makeup and the right clothes will do." 

                "Do I have any say so at all about what happens to me today?" Nick piped up from the backseat, feeling left out of the conversation.

                "None at all." Miaka smiled at him in the rearview mirror, surprising him and herself when she winked playfully. 

                She felt heat suffuse her face when she noticed the small grin on Kat's face as she watched their little byplay. _What is wrong with me_, Miaka chided herself. One semi-argument with Tamahome and she was all but flirting with another man?

 She decided in that moment to distance herself from Nick as best she could. She would not ruin everything she had worked so hard for, and for that which Nuriko had sacrificed himself. She felt tears stinging her eyes as the thought of her beloved friend lying in the snow came to the forefront of her mind and she looked at the image in the mirror once more, at the man who looked so much like him. 

                She had convinced herself that the resemblance was merely a coincidence. Surely, Suzaku would not be so cruel as to set Nuriko up for yet another disappointment when He knew that she could not love Nuriko the way he deserved, and when He knew that Tamahome was her destiny. 

                The remainder of the ride was done in silence. Each individual lost in their own thoughts. 

                Nick watched Miaka's profile as she drove something niggling at the back of his brain. Even after spending time with her he could not shake the feeling that he had seen her somewhere before. His eyes traveled over what he could see of her face and the curve of her neck. A sudden desire to press his lips against the hollow of her neck made him quickly avert his gaze, turning his attention hastily to the passing scenery. 

                "How long have you been engaged?" Kat's voice broke the silence making the driver and back seat passenger jump slightly. 

                "Oh! Um, three years now." Miaka answered taking her eyes off the road briefly to smile at the young girl.

                "Have you set a date yet?" 

                "Not yet." Tamahome's proposal popped into her mind and she shook her head in denial. "There are still a few small details to be worked out before we decide on a date."

                "Oh? What kind of details?" 

                "Kat!" Nick exclaimed, his face turning red. 

                "What? I'm only trying to start a conversation. It's not like the two of you are chatterboxes or anything."

                "You're being rude!" 

                "I'm being curious and friendly." Turning her nose up at her fuming brother, Kat turned her attention back to Miaka. "How long have you and…Tamahome wasn't it? How long have you known each other?"

                "Ten years. I met him when I was fifteen."

                "Wow, that's a long time. And it's awfully young to meet the man you're going to marry."

                Miaka sighed in relief as she saw the large building that was their destination come into view. "We're here!" She said, thankful she could end the current conversation. 

                The last thing she needed was someone pointing out all the doubts she was having. Especially the biggest doubt of all. How could she, at fifteen, know what love was? She had been so sure back then of what she wanted. Now that she and Tamahome had grown and matured, would their love stand the test of time? 

                Nick closed his eyes as his chair was turned to face the mirror, afraid to open them to see what damage had been done. The petite blonde had been working on him for well over an hour and he dreaded the result. 

                "Wow." He heard Miaka gasp and cracked one eye open. 

                "How does it look?" 

                "It…looks… great!" 

                Frowning as he saw the tears forming in her eyes, Nick squinted at his reflection. Quite honestly he didn't look that much different. The stylist had merely added hair extensions, and he was amazed that he could not tell where his hair ended and the artificial began. A long braid hung over his shoulder, reaching his waist before stopping. He had to admit the young woman had done a terrific job. So why was Miaka crying?

                "What's wrong?" He asked softly.

                Swiping at her tears quickly, Miaka shook her head. "Nothing! You look fantastic!" Throwing a quick smile at Kat she turned. "If you'll excuse me for just a minute." Limping into the next room she fell into one of the soft chairs in the waiting room. 

                Nuriko-he looked so very much like Nuriko. When would remembering him stop bringing that blinding pain in her heart? _Get a grip, Miaka. She told herself, straightening her spine. __You still have a lot to do today and it all involves Nick Casey, so get used to the way he looks!  Nodding mentally she regained her feet, careful not to put too much weight on her injured ankle. She looked to the doorway to the room where the others were and hesitated, feeling she couldn't face him-not yet.           _

                Over the next ten minutes she stood by her car, convincing herself to calm down. Even if Nick _was Nuriko, it changed nothing. She was still his editor and the most they could have was a friendship such as they had those many years ago. A rush of warmth filled her as she remembered her friend and confidant and she smiled. Yes, it would be just as it was then. Then she remembered the night before. The desire she had to feel his lips against hers, the way it had felt to be in his arms. The feeling of belonging. _

                "Are you alright?" A female voice asked in concern, causing Miaka to jump violently, bringing a hand to her chest.

                "Kat! You scared me." 

                "Sorry about that. I thought you heard me walk up. Nick was worried so I thought I'd come check on you. Everything ok?"

                "Fine, fine. I just needed a little fresh air is all."

                Kat looked at the older woman with a critical eye, searching for something in her eyes. Finally she nodded and smiled. "I think he's ready for the next step." 

                Grinning Miaka opened the trunk of the car and pulled out a large shopping bag. "Great! Hopefully everything I bought fits him."

                Twenty minutes later Kat and Miaka stood outside the door of a small room designated as Nick's dressing room. "What the hell _is some of this stuff?" He shouted through the door._

                "Need some help?" His sister asked, starting to open the door.

                "No! Just give me a few minutes." Standing with his hands on his slim hips, Nick surveyed the clothing laid out before him. He quickly discarded most of them from possibility and studied what was left over. Picking up a dark-colored fabric he stared at it thoughtfully. Glancing down at the padded bra Miaka had included he chuckled and shook his head. Dressing up like a woman was one thing but he'd be damned if he wore a bra. He tossed the garment aside and pulled his shirt over his head. Time to get this show on the road. 

                Miaka bit her thumb nervously, waiting for Nick to emerge from the small room. What in the world was taking him so long? She had spent hours at the department store early this morning agonizing on what to buy. She knew he would not want to wear anything too feminine but it had been a struggle to find something that looked as if a man could wear it. Finally she had decided on five outfits. Two were dresses and she knew he would instantly disregard these. Two were suits, complete with jacket and tie.   The third was another she knew he would not choose, simply because it was pink. 

                Her heart skipped a beat as the door slowly opened to reveal Nick wearing one of the two suits. The suit disguised whatever figure he may have and it was impossible to tell if he was male or female. The black shoes he had chosen to wear were also perfect, Miaka had seen both men and women wear the same exact style. A hand came to her mouth as her eyes traveled the length of his body. Any doubts she had been entertaining that this was _not her former seishi fled as her eyes met his. He winked and quickly struck a pose._

                "Ta-da!" He exclaimed, his voice an octave higher than usual. Miaka and Kat both stared at him, unable to believe the drastic change that the clothes and slight alteration of his voice had done. 

                Miaka was the most stunned, staring at him, her mouth opening and closing with no sounds emerging. To have her suspicions about him being Nuriko was one thing, to be faced with the unquestionable fact was another. Her head suddenly felt lighter and her hand moved from her face to her forehead. 

                "Are you alright, Miaka?" Nick asked his smile fading quickly. 

              "F-Fine…" She whispered, and for the second time in two days, her world turned black.


	5. Chapter Five

Always…

**Chapter Five**

Disclaimer: Insert usual one…I own nothing ^_^

Nick balanced his packages in his hands as he hastily reached into his pocket for the house keys, the muffled insistent ringing of the telephone urging him on.

He swore softly under his breath, as the key ring eluded his grasp.

                "Any normal person would own an answering machine!" 

                He let out a cry of triumph as his fingers closed around the desired items and pulled them from his pocket. When they promptly fell from his grasp and onto the porch, Nick sighed and turned his eyes heavenward. 

                "What did I ever do to you?" 

                Shaking his head, he bent over and reached for the elusive set of keys. Just then his foot slipped, kicking the keys in between the slats of the weathered wood. They hit the ground with a soft thud and Nick swore once again. 

                To say this had been one of the worst days of his life would have been an understatement. After forgetting to plug his alarm clock back in he had overslept yet again, making him late for a breakfast date with his sister. Arriving at the restaurant thirty minutes late he had had to sit through one of her famous lectures about time management. To make matters worse she had invited their older brother to join them without asking him and it went as badly as he would have expected, with Rick spending the whole hour and a half lecturing him about how he should get off his lazy ass and get a 'real job'. He had finally extracted himself from the situation with a hasty excuse, a tight smile and a promise to call his brother later. 

                Stopping by the post office, he discovered his ex-girlfriend had sent him a letter, claiming he had caused her undue emotional distress by not telling her that he was gay and that her attorney would be contacting him. Laughing wildly, he had torn up the letter and tossed it into the nearest trashcan with the conviction that women were nothing but trouble. The thought had stopped him momentarily, a sense of déjà vu trickling down his spine. He had known someone who lived by that statement, never letting himself care for any woman at all, but for the life of him, he could not remember who it was. His inability to recall the person caused a small ache of sadness to fill his heart. 

                Next was the flower shop where he discovered they were out of the usual generic get-well bouquets. He browsed the store for almost an hour before deciding on roses, hoping his choice was not too forward. The icing on the cake had been when he had gotten to the register at the grocery store to discover he didn't have enough money. While quickly looking over what items he could put back, the one bright spot of his day happened when he remembered the credit card he kept in his wallet for emergencies. 

And now…now he couldn't even do the simple task of opening his front door. Completely frustrated, he lifted his foot and kicked the door causing it to swing back violently on its hinges. It hit the wall behind it with a loud bang and he smirked in satisfaction before rushing to the kitchen. Throwing his packages on the counter, he hurriedly reached for the phone.  
                "Yeah?"

                The person on the other end hesitated slightly before answering. "Nick, is that you?"

                "Miaka?"

                "Are you all right? You sound out of breath."

                Glancing at the broken doorframe he shook his head. "Yeah everything's fine. What's up?"

                "I just wanted to thank you for the beautiful flowers." 

                "No problem. They were out of get well bouquets, I didn't know if you liked roses but I took a chance." 

                "They're lovely, thank you." He could hear the warm smile in her voice and couldn't help but smile in return.

                "No problem…so are we all set for tomorrow?" He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes against the pleasure of hearing her voice in his ear.

                "Yes, are you nervous?"

                "Are you kidding? What's to be nervous about? If my cover is blown I risk losing my entire career, humiliating myself horribly in public and guaranteeing that I will never be able to find a date for the rest of my life. So no, I'm not nervous in the least." He grumbled.

                Melodic laughter came over the line. "Don't worry, as long as you remember not to use the men's room everything should be fine." Miaka assured him.

                "So you say."

                "I do- so trust me! I'd never do anything to jeopardize your career." She paused a moment, before continuing. "There is another reason I called. I was wondering if you were free for another dinner meeting tonight? We need to go over your schedule for tomorrow and the week ahead. It will be a lot easier to do that face to face."

                "Sure, what time do you want me to meet you?"

                "Be here at seven. I know a small out of the way restaurant that slows down around eight if you can believe it."

                "Okay, sounds good. See you then!"

                Miaka's smile remained as she gently sat down the receiver, but then slowly faded as she realized what she had just done. For all intents and purposes she had just asked Nick out on a date. He already knew tomorrow's schedule since she had gone over it with him at least ten times. She was even more nervous than he and was almost compulsive about making sure everything went smoothly. 

                 The truth was that asking Nick to have dinner with her felt natural. _Being _with him felt natural. It seemed that lately any time she and Tamahome were together they were either fighting or sitting in an uncomfortable silence. Talking to him on the phone was torture because of the overwhelming guilt she felt over leaving him in Japan. 

                But talking and spending time with Nick was different. She almost felt like her old self again when she was around him. 

                Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on her open office door. Blinking she looked up to see Kat standing in the doorway looking at her expectantly. 

                "Am I interrupting something? I can come back later." 

                "No, not at all. Come, sit down." Miaka smiled as the young woman took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. "What brings you all the way over here?"

                "Well, I was hoping we could have a talk." Kat paused and directed a searching gaze at the older woman. "About Nicky."

                The auburn-haired woman couldn't help the small blush that crept into her cheeks at the mention of the subject of her thoughts. "Of course."

                "Those are beautiful flowers." Kat commented raising an eyebrow. "Did Tamahome send those to you?"

                Miaka cleared her throat, suddenly uncomfortable under the younger woman's intense gaze. "Actually….they're from your brother."

                The delicate eyebrow rose a fraction higher. "Really?" She drawled, a slow grin spreading across her face. "I've never known my brother to send a woman flowers. I know he writes romance novels but I never thought of him as romantic himself."

                "It's not like that." Miaka was quick to reply. "They're a get well gesture. You know, because of my ankle and all." Her voice trailed off as she motioned towards the huge bouquet sitting on her desk.

                "I see." Biting the inside of her lip, Kat crossed her legs and began to swing one foot lazily. "I came here to ask you what you think of my brother."

                "I don't think I understand what you mean."

                "Let me put it this way. If you tell me you have no romantic interest in my brother, I'm going to ask you to stay away from him as much as possible."

                A stunned silence grew between the two and Miaka shook her head, a small burst of laughter coming from her lips. "Excuse me?"

                "That came out the wrong way." Kat sighed. "I'm not trying to be rude, really I'm not! I'm only trying to look out for Nicky. You see, he likes you…a lot. In fact, I've never seen him look at a woman the way he looks at you- not even Audra, his fiancée. I'm not even sure if he _realizes _how much he cares for you but it's pretty damn obvious to me, and I don't want to see him hurt. He's been hurt too much in his life." Her words ended quietly, barely above a whisper. 

                "Kat….I would _never _do anything to hurt your brother. I hope you believe me because I mean it."

                "Are you interested in him?"

                "I…" Miaka stopped before saying no. _Was _she interested in Nick? The truth was that she just didn't know. No matter how wrong it was she couldn't tell the distinction between Nick and Nuriko. They were the same person in so many ways. "I don't know what I am." She finally said honestly.

                "I know I'm a major pain in the ass but could you explain that please?"

                 Miaka sighed, and sadness filled her eyes, as she spoke. "I can't lie and say I'm not attracted to Nick …and I can't deny that I could fall in love with Nick very easily…if I let myself. But I'm also engaged, and there are also other reasons why I can't be with your brother that I can't fully explain to you.  All I can do is promise that I will make sure I don't give Nick any reason to think I'm interested in him."

                Kat stared intently at the furiously blushing woman before her, and then finally nodded. "Fair enough. I think I've stuck my nose in my brother's business more than enough for one day. I hope you don't think I'm horrible for coming to you like this."

                Miaka's smile was warm. "Of course not, Kat! I understand why you did it and that makes me like you even more. You'll be at the signing tomorrow, right?" 

                "I wouldn't miss it for the world!"

*******************

                "I can't believe they're closed!" Miaka wailed, stomping her foot in frustration. 

                Nick chuckled softly at her outburst. "I guess we should have come earlier."

                "But they're supposed to be open until ten. Look, it says so right there!" 

                He shrugged and grasped her arm gently. "Come on, let's go get a hotdog. I don't like Italian food that much anyway." 

                Miaka turned her glare away from the huge closed sign gracing the front door of the restaurant and smiled. "Okay!"

                After buying their food they found a bench to sit on and ate in silence, casting glances at one another every once in a while.

                Nick looked at the woman beside him from the corner of his eye and couldn't help the rush of desire that filled him. _Shit Nick, why don't you just jump her? You're acting like a horny teenager for God's sake. _

"Are you okay?" Miaka's soft question startled him slightly causing him to drop the half eaten hotdog in his hand. "Oh! I'm sorry!" She cried.

                "It's all right, I was full anyway." Balling up his napkin he threw it into a nearby trashcan. "To answer your question, I'm fine."

                "Oh…okay." 

                Leaning back Nick put one arm on the back of the bench, turning his body slightly towards her. "So tell me about this fiancé of yours."

                "What do you want to know?"

                "Well, how did you two meet?"

                "That's a long story and one I don't really want to get into right now." She replied uncomfortably.

                "Sorry." He mumbled.  
                "No, it's not that I don't want you to know!" She was quick to reassure him. "It's only that…well, it _is _a really long story and most of it you probably wouldn't believe. Let's talk about you."

                "What's to talk about? I'm twenty-eight, never married, my parents died years ago, I have one brother, one sister and no friends to speak of."

                "There's more to you than that." Miaka said with conviction. Their gazes met and locked, each feeling the same thing but unwilling to admit it. Miaka's heart sped up as she searched Nick's gaze, every nerve in her body screaming to reach out and touch him. She finally gave into her impulses and lifted a hand, bringing it to his cheek. "You are so much more than you think you are. You always have been."

                Her strange comment caused a rush of emotion to fill his body. Her simple words should not have made any sense to him but deep down they did. They etched themselves on his heart and he brought a hand up to cover hers. Turning his face he pressed his lips first against her wrist then her palm. 

                At the soft touch of his lips against her skin, Miaka's eyes closed, her body leaning towards him slightly. She had not meant to say what she did but could not help it. Nuriko had never realized just how very special he was. Especially to her. 

                Nick's hand released hers and cupped her face gently. His thumb rubbed against her slightly parted lips. "Miaka…" He breathed, leaning slightly closer to her. 

                A pair of bright headlights broke the spell they were under, bathing them in a bright fluorescent light. 

                They jumped apart as if burned, looking anywhere but at each other. 

                "It…it's getting kind of late." She mumbled, dusting imaginary crumbs from her pants. 

                "Yeah, we have an early day tomorrow. I'll walk you back to your car."

                "You don't want me to take you home?" 

                "Nah, I need the fresh air. I can always take a cab if I need to." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he gave her a weak smile. 

                "O…okay, if you're sure." 

                They walked in silence back to her green Pathfinder, Nick watching her as she fumbled in her purse for her car keys. Finally he could stand it no longer and stayed her hand with his. "Look, I'm really sorry about what happened back there."

                "What are you talking about?"

                "Let's be adults here, Miaka- don't pretend you didn't feel it too." His eyes bored into hers, demanding that she acknowledge the connection between them.

                She could feel tears gathering as she slowly nodded. "You're right. But I…I'm engaged Nick. This…" She opened her arms, gesturing widely. "It can't happen. Do…do you believe in destiny?"

                "Yes." He answered without thinking. 

                She smiled sadly. "Well, Tamahome is my destiny. I can't change that and we've been through a lot just to be together. I…I can't just forget about all that's happened between us."

                Nick nodded, unable to speak over the lump in his throat. Taking her hand in his once again he placed a chaste kiss on the back of it before turning and walking away. 


	6. Chapter Six

Always…

Chapter Six

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters and never will **cry**

                The line had started at six that morning and soon stretched around the block. No less than one thousand fans had shown up to meet the mysterious Nicole Stacey.

 The author, it was rumored, was so disfigured she refused to have her picture published on the back of her books. Nick had laughed when he heard the first whisper of  gossip that morning and his amusement only grew as curious fans approached the table, only to discover the stunning beauty sitting behind it was in the infamous author. He was gracious to every person, sitting with a smile and patiently listening to what seemed at times to be their entire life stories. Every time this happened, Miaka's assistant, Tanya, tried to hurry the line along but Nick would have none of it. Now that it appeared that his fears of being discovered were in vain, he was comfortable with his new image and was having too much fun to rush through the signing. 

            He had never realized just how many people loved the stories he wrote. It thrilled him to no end to see the huge turnout and he was happy to hear whatever comments his fans had for him. 

            The only damper on the moment was Miaka's failure to remain at his side. After a quick, somewhat strained hello, she had quickly shown him where he was set up and then rushed off to attend to other matters- matters he knew her assistant could have easily handled alone. He understood and accepted her reasons for avoiding him, even though it caused his day to be overshadowed with sadness. The last thing he wanted was to  alienate her, but when the opportunity arose, he simply couldn't deny himself the pleasure of touching her. He could still feel the softness of her lips on his fingers and he had to forcibly turn his thoughts back to the task at hand. 

            As an elderly woman walked up to the table and immediately began giving him a lecture on what she felt was the excessive amount of sex in his novels, he unsuccessfully tried to stop his thoughts from wandering back to his editor and how soft her lips were. He sighed heavily. He had to work this it out with her or they wouldn't be able to continue working together. Since he had been the one to step over the line, he would have to be the one who made things right.

            "Are you listening to me, young lady?" The old woman asked him impatiently. 

            Snapping out of his thoughts, Nick smiled. "Yes, ma'am, too much sex and not enough morality. I understand, I'll try to do better next time."

            "See that you do!" The woman replied, in a self righteous tone. "I don't know what it is with you young people today. All you think about is sex." 

            Nick smothered his laughter with a discreet cough and at that point Tanya stepped in. Thankfully the woman was satisfied that she had had her say and moved along without protest, allowing the next person in line to approach the table. As the shy teenage girl blushingly accepted an autograph and hurriedly left the table, Nick caught sight of the woman that had been haunting his thoughts all morning striding purposely across the store.

              Miaka glanced over at Nick and saw him looking back at her. Their eyes met and held, and her gait slowed until she stood completely still. Her heart picked up speed as she stared into their depths, mesmerized by the intense violet eyes until she saw Nick rise from his chair. She told her feet to move, for this was no place for a confrontation that she now knew was inevitable, but they refused to obey. Time seemed to stand still and the buzz of conversations around her ceased to exist. Her only thought and care was the man  that was so close, yet so very far out of her reach. Last night had been a mistake, a momentary lapse in judgment. Today was a brand new day and she was determined to keep her distance from now on. It was the best thing to do-for both their sakes.

            Mustering all her willpower, she was finally able to pull her gaze away from his she threw a weak smile in his general direction and once more disappeared into the crowd. Her heart ached as she glanced back to see regret evident in his every gesture. 

            "Are you all right Ms. Casey?" Another teenage girl, who had introduced herself as Emily, looked at him with concern.

            "What?" Starting slightly, Nick pasted a smile on his face. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I'm so sorry, I must have zoned out for a minute."

            "That's okay." Emily smiled brightly. "Now where was I?" 

            As the young girl resumed her one-sided conversation, Nick hurriedly wrote something on a piece of paper. Folding it into a small square he waited until the girl was done then handed it to Miaka's assistant. 

            "Would you give this to Miaka please? It's very important." 

            "Sure thing, Nicole." Tanya winked at him and left. Nick watched as she scanned the crowd, smiling as she spotted the brunette she was seeking standing across the room. He waited with baited breath as Tanya hurried over and whispered something in Miaka's ear and then handed her the small piece of paper. 

            Miaka frowned as she unfolded the note, but her frown slowly melted into a smile as she read the words printed there. 

             _Help! Do I use the men's or ladies room?  Nicky_

A small giggle built up in her chest and she glanced over at the grinning figure across the room. Seeing his expression caused the giggle to escape her lips as she shook her head in amusement. 

            Nick watched as she weaved through the crowd taking note of the graceful way she walked. When she reached the table, she set her hands on the surface and leaned down so she could whisper an answer in his ear. His eyes closed as he inhaled the scent of her perfume and had to force himself to concentrate on what she was saying. Visions of holding her in his arms as he kissed the side of neck filled his mind and his eyes snapped open. Seeing how very close Miaka was to him, he instinctively jerked back from her. 

            "Something wrong?" She asked, confusion filling her eyes.

            "N-No, I'm…I'm fine." Forcing a smile he got to his feet and apologized to the next person in line. "If you'll excuse me for just a moment, I think I need a small break."

            The middle-aged woman nodded mutely and watched as the two very attractive women made their way to the back of the store. A bewildered frown marred the woman's brow as she noticed the smaller of the two inconspicuously slip her hand into the taller woman's hand. The raven-haired woman looked down and smiled at the brunette, their shoulders touching ever so slightly as they walked. 

            The woman's eyes widened in comprehension, and then narrowed as she clucked her tongue in displeasure. Abandoning her place in line and the book she had intended to purchase, the woman stalked away, lips pressed firmly together in disapproval. 

            Tamahome was had also spotted the two women, but from his distant vantage point had not seen the touching of hands. He surmised the woman walking with his girlfriend must be the new client of which she spoke so highly. As he watched the retreating figures, a sense of déjà vu sent a small chill down his spine and he frowned. Something  about that female writer was very familiar to him but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Intrigued, he began to make his way through the crowd, apologizing profusely as he bumped into a young woman. 

            "You should watch where you're going." She snapped in irritation. 

            Tamahome once again felt the small chill as he looked down at her. "Do…do I know you?" He asked.

            "Not very likely. I think I'd remember meeting someone who looked like you." The woman's face split into a smile and she held out her hand. "I'm Kat, Nikki's sister."

            As he took the small hand into his he couldn't help but return her smiled. "Nikki?"

            "Nicole Stacey." She replied, tilting her head towards the beginning of the seemingly endless line. "The author who is signing here today."

            "You must know Miaka then. I'm Tamahome." 

            Kat's mouth formed a small, silent oh. She gently extracted her hand from his and stuck it and its mate in her pockets. "Nice to meet you." 

            Tamahome could feel the difference in her attitude and confusion filled his face. "Did I say something wrong?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

            "No, why do you ask?" 

            "As soon as I said my name, you pulled away like I was a leper."

            "I just think it's a shame that a guy like you is already taken…that's all." The corner of her mouth lifted up in a small smile as she winked and turned to walk the other way.

            He could feel an answering smile start to form and he quickly suppressed it. It had been a long time since a woman had blatantly flirted with him and he could feel a rush of excitement through his body. For some reason he was drawn to the small, petite woman, but of course he had Miaka so…

            Remembering his initial destination, Tamahome tore his gaze from Kat's retreating back and continued to push his way through the crowd. A different kind of excitement filled him and he suddenly couldn't wait to see Miaka. She would be so surprised to see him! 

                                            ---------------------

            "Go ahead, I'll stand guard." Miaka said, a small smile on her face.

            Nick eyed the men's room door and looked at her skeptically. "I thought you said to stay away from the men's room?"

            Casting a quick look around she shrugged. "No one's around so I don't see how it makes a difference."

            "But-."

            "Just go, Nick!" She said, laughingly pushing him towards the door.

            After he had shut and locked the door behind him, Miaka breathed a sigh of relief that things appeared to be back to normal between them. Letting Nick walk away from her the night before had been the hardest thing she had ever done. She had longed to call out for him but knew it was useless and unwise to do so. Nevertheless, she spent the rest of the night  tossing and turning, wondering if she had made a mistake. 

            Lost in her thoughts, she failed to notice the tall figure slowly approaching her. 

            "Miaka?" 

            Startled, Miaka brought a hand to her chest and whirled around, blinking in disbelief when she saw who it was. 

            "T-Tamahome….wh-what….what are you d-doing here?"

            "I wanted to surprise you. I felt bad about our last conversation so I decided to apologize in person."

            She gaped at him. "You…came all the way from Japan just to apologize to me?"

            He looked down modestly and shuffled his feet. "Well…yeah. Look, I know things have been…different between us lately. We need to talk and I didn't want to do that over the phone." He looked up and gave her a smile as he took her arm. "Come on, I'll buy you lunch."

            She hesitated, looking over her shoulder at the wooden door behind her. "But I have to…"

            Her voice trailed off in a gasp as Tamahome ignored her protest and pulled her along with him through the crowd. 

            Inside the men's room, Nick dried his hands with the paper towels and stared at his reflection in the mirror and had to admit to himself that his sister was a pro with makeup; he didn't even recognize his own face! He turned his head back and forth, looking at his profile from different angles and then laughed, as the realization struck him that he was acting just like a woman primping in front of the mirror.

            Balling up the sodden towel in his hands he tossed it into the wastebasket and unlocked the door. Swinging it open he opened his mouth to say something only to realize that Miaka was not there. In her place stood two elderly women, looking at him with surprise. 

            "I think you were in the wrong bathroom, young lady." One said in sympathy, pointing to the sign with the figure of a man. "See?"

            "No, Ruth, I've seen people like that on Jerry's show." The other corrected, after a hard look at Nick. She leaned in close to her friend and whispered loud enough for Nick to hear,. "She's one of _those_…you know…that thinks she's really a man." 

            Her friend's eyes widened and she pulled Ruth by the arm. "Let's go! My stars, it's just not safe to even leave the house anymore."

            "But I'm not…" Nick stopped and shook his head as the two woman quickly walked away from him. He laughed quietly to himself, thinking that Ruth wasn't too far off the mark about him…except for the fact he really _was_ a man! 

            Shoving his hands in his pockets in an unconsciously masculine gesture, he looked over the crowd, his eyes searching for a glimpse of Miaka's auburn hair. He frowned as he caught sight of her being pulled behind a tall, good-looking man. A hint of recognition caused his brow to furrow and he started in their direction, determined to catch up to them. 

            "Miaka!" He called, waving when she glanced behind her. 

            He saw her pull on the arm of her companion to make him stop and said something, motioning in Nick's direction. 

            Approaching the couple, he immediately noticed two things- the relief shining in Miaka's eyes, and the total disbelief in the man's. 

            "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Nick said with a smile, hoping just the opposite. Seeing the possessive hold the man had on Miaka's arm made him intensely jealous, and he had to fight the strong urge to grab her and pull her over to _his_ side. 

            "No, you're not interrupting. Ni-Nicole….this is…Tamahome." Miaka said, looking quickly back and forth between the two men. 

            Nick's eyebrow arched and he withdrew a hand from his pocket, holding out to the other man. "Nice to finally meet you." 

            "N-Nuriko?" Tamahome whispered.

            Hearing him repeat the name that Miaka had spoken when they had first met caused a strange chill to travel down Nick's spine. "The name's Nick." He said, suddenly not caring if others overheard. 

            "Yes….yes of course it is." Tamahome replied, seeming to snap out of a dream. A smile spread across his face and he finally took the offered hand. "Great to meet you. Miaka and I were just about to have lunch so…"

            "Yeah sure, I understand." 

            "Why don't you join us?" The anxious young woman asked quickly. 

            "I don't want to impose." Nick said his eyes softening as he looked down at her. 

            "You won't be imposing. Right, Tamahome?" 

            "What?" Blinking, Tamahome shook his head. "Oh no, not at all. Join us."

            "Well…all right." 

            Miaka informed her assistant of their plans and the trio left the bookstore, heading for a nearby coffee shop. Once settled in a booth in the corner of the small shop, Tamahome slipped his arm around Miaka and held her close, giving Nick an appraising stare. "So you're really a man?" A curious smile pulled at his mouth.

            "Yeah, Miaka thought it would be a good idea if I could do book signings and since no one knows I'm a man…" Nick grinned. "Personally I think she just loves to torture me. I feel like my face is melting off with all this makeup on it and this hair extension is heavy as hell." 

            Miaka giggled. "At least you don't have to wear it every day. Besides, you should just be thankfulI didn't force you to wear the bra I bought!" 

            Tamahome watched Miaka and Nick as they laughed and then fell into a comfortable conversation, feeling totally left out. A frown pulled the corners of his mouth down as he took in their obvious rapport, which immediately caused him to wonder just how close   they were. His gray gaze dropped to the table and he couldn't help but notice the way their hands were not quite touching but close enough to brush against the other's every once in a while. 

            Jealousy clouded his vision for a moment and then he forced himself to calm down. He was imagining things, that was all. He biggest concern right now was why Miaka had failed to tell him that her new client was Nuriko, for there was no doubt in his mind that this man sitting across from him was his violet-haired brother warrior. 

            "So you're gay, right?" He asked Nick suddenly, as relief washed through him at the realization. Of course he was gay, just as Nuriko had been in his former life. How could he have forgotten that? And his and Miaka's closeness wasn't caused by a secret desire for one another, but by the close friendship they had shared before. 

            "Actually….no, I'm not." Nick replied, as he shot Miaka a questioning look. 

            Tamahome grinned. "It's all right, you don't have to pretend with me. Miaka and I are totally accepting of people with alternate lifestyles."

            Miaka's face turned red. " Tamahome, Nick's really not…"

            "Crap, I'm late!" He interrupted her, glancing at his watch. "Miaka, Nick…I'm really sorry but I have to go. I 'm picking up your plane tickets this afternoon, Miaka. The agency closes early today so I have to dash." Reaching into his coat pocket Tamahome withdrew a ten-dollar bill and handed it to her, smiling apologetically. "Here, this should take care of lunch. See you tonight? I'll meet you at your place at eight." 

            "But I don't…"

            Ignoring Miaka's feeble protest, Tamahome pecked her cheek and quickly left the table, not bothering to take a final leave of the other man present. 

            "It was nice meeting you." Nick called after him sarcastically as he stared at Tamahome's retreating back. 

            "I'm sorry about that." Miaka said quietly, stuffing the bill in her pocket. Refusing to meet his gaze she played with the saltshaker. "Tama's always in a hurry. Seems like there's always an appointment he's late for."

            "You don't have to apologize for him."

            "Yes, I do. He shouldn't have assumed you were gay. I guess I should have told him about our plans but I didn't really think he'd be interested and besides he was all the way in Japan and…"

            "Miaka." Nick said softly, cutting off her words by placing his hand over hers. "Stop it. It's not your fault that your boyfriend is an asshole."

            Opening her mouth to protest, Miaka looked up into the laughing eyes of her friend and a small laugh escaped her lips instead. She shook her head. "Seriously, I am sorry he was so rude to you. He's usually not like that…well, at least not to people he's just met anyway." 

            "Don't worry about it. I'm used to people jumping to conclusions based on my looks. At least Tamahome made the assumption because I _was_ dressed as a woman - that's more than I can say for most people."

            Silence fell between them as the waitress came to take their order. Nick's eyes widened slightly at the size of Miaka's order but he quickly regained his composure as the woman left the table.

            "Look, Miaka… I want to apologize for last night." He started out. "I was…totally out of line. I know you have a boyfriend." He motioned towards the front door and smiled. "Obviously. And I know better than to make moves on an attached woman."

            "It wasn't your fault. Or I should say, it wasn't _entirely_ your fault. I…I wanted it too." Letting out the breath she was holding, Miaka smiled slightly. "You don't have to look at me like that. I think…I should be honest with you." She paused, but the man across from her merely nodded. "I am…more than a little attracted to you. But I can't…_let _myself feel anything else. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you, Nick. I could fall in love with you so easily and that scares me more than you know. I want to continue working with you because as much as I have to fight these feelings I have, I can't imagine not being around you…not seeing your smiling face or hearing your voice…." 

            Her voice trailed off as tears began to gather in her eyes. Clearing her throat she forced herself to continue. "What I say next is not going to make any sense to you but this whole thing is so hard for me because I already lost you once…a long time ago and in another place. I thought I would die…but I didn't and now here you are. I can't lose you again."

            Nick's gaze searched hers until finally he smiled slightly. "It's strange, but that makes perfect sense to me. And I have…absolutely no idea why." Embracing her hand in his he lifted it to his mouth and brushed his lips across the softness of her skin. "I'm not going anywhere and I'm not giving up on you." He said barely above a whisper, his eyes staring into hers intently. "I'm in love with you, Miaka." Even as he blurted out the words he realized they were true and a rush of warmth filled his body at having admitted it at last. "I don't know how, or when, it happened but I am. And I think you love me too."

            "Nick, don't…" She said. chokingly.

            "Don't what? Tell the truth? Make you doubt your feelings for the man you claim you love? Tell me this…does your pulse speed up when he touches you? When he kisses your skin?" Pressing a small kiss on her wrist, he could feel her pulse racing and he smiled. "When he touches you do you feel like your body is on fire? When his lips press against yours do you forget everything except the texture of his mouth? You see, every time I brush against you, no matter how trivial, I want you. Just seeing you walk across a room makes me want you. I want you now and I'm not afraid to admit that because I can tell by the look in your eyes, you want me too."

            "Stop it!" Miaka cried, pulling her hand from his grasp and holding it against her as if burned. "Just…stop." 

             "Why?" He asked softly. 

            "Because….because…" Shaking her head, she got to her feet quickly and left the coffee shop, tears blinding her as she pushed open the glass door and disappeared into the passing pedestrians. 

            "Good one, Nick." The raven-haired man muttered to himself, throwing some money on the table and getting to his feet. He had not meant to tell her all those things but for some reason they had all just spilled out. Now he had messed up what little friendship they had because he couldn't control his hormones. 

             Silently cursing himself, Nick hailed a cab, not even bothering to return to the bookstore. 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Always….**

Chapter Seven

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters. 

A/N: If the formatting on this chapter seems messed up, I apologize. I uploaded it wrong on ff.net the first time. I think I fixed the problem but if it's still showing up as all one big paragraph I'm sorry and hopefully they will update it soon. 

Miaka stood at her office window, twisting a stray strand of hair around her finger.

             It had been two days since she had run out of the coffee shop. Two days since she had seen or spoken to Nick; two days that had been spent in a fog, as she tried to sort out the conflicting emotions raging inside her. 

                There was no denying that everything he had said was true, but so what if Tamahome's touch now failed to cause a bolt of heat to travel through her body?  Just because their passion may have cooled didn't mean that she didn't love him anymore. What did it matter if much of the time they spent together was filled with silence, with her working and he studying? And just because she couldn't remember the last time they had exchanged the words I love you didn't mean they didn't still feel that emotion for each other.

                True, there was also no denying that Nick's touch did light her body on fire and the mere brush of his hand against her arm caused her to lose her train of thought. Still, that didn't have to mean that her feelings for Tamahome were any less.  It was possible to be physically attracted to someone and not love them, wasn't it? 

                 So Nick was wrong. He had to be wrong. She had been trying to convince herself of that fact for the past two days. But could she continue to deny the truth that was buried in her heart? A heart that told her she had fallen head over heels for the raven-haired man who had suddenly and shockingly reappeared in her life?  Miaka's lips parted in a wry smile. The fact that she was certain he had been her dear friend, Nuriko had probably sealed her fate from the beginning… falling hopelessly in Nick was a result of the unacknowledged feelings she had held for Nuriko. 

               Her thoughts feverishly replayed the conversation she had overheard the night before he was killed., when he had confessed to Tamahome that he, Nuriko, was in fact in love with Miaka himself. And then there was the  promise he had made to her with his last breath; a promise to find her again. To always love her. 

                "Miss Yukki?"  

                Miaka gave a start as Tanya's hesitant voice sounded from the open doorway. 

                "Yes… what is it?" .

                "Mr. Casey is here to see you. Should I tell him you're out?"

                "Nick's here?" Turning away from the window, Miaka smoothed a hand over her auburn tresses, her demeanor unconsciously brightening. "Um…no, actually…I'd like to see him. Please show him in."

                Her assistant nodded, starting to retreat to do her employers bidding- and gasped loudly as she backed into the firm body standing directly behind her. 

                "Sorry…but I wasn't going to take no for an answer," Nick told the girl, with grim amusement. 

                "I can see that!" Tanya replied breathily, a becoming blush tinting her cheeks. She edged around him and left the room, closing the door softly behind her. 

                "Nick…"

                "Don't say anything just yet." He cut in gently, while moving further into the room. "First, I want to apologize. No matter what my thoughts may be about your personal life, your relationship with Tamahome is none of my business and I shouldn't have said anything. And as for all that stuff I said about… wanting you, please just  forget about it. Sometimes my mouth starts speaking before I give it permission." He stuck his hands in his pockets and gave her a sheepish grin. "What can I say…you're a beautiful woman, Miaka, and I'd be crazy not to be attracted to you." He shrugged.

                Miaka smiled sadly.

               "I owe you an  apology too, Nick. I should have never said I was attracted to you. I…I knew it couldn't go anywhere and it wasn't fair to encourage you, even in the smallest way. Friends?" 

                She stuck  out her hand, and Nick stared at it for a moment before reluctantly taking it into his. As he had feared, an overwhelming rush of excitement filled him at the small touch and his hand tightened unconsciously around hers. 

                As soon as she felt his touch, Miaka knew that offering contact had been a mistake. Heat began to build within her as she saw the open desire in his gaze. Her eyelids fluttered closed as Nick pulled her into his arms, and her heart pounded against her ribs as she felt the warmth of his breath when his mouth drew nearer to hers.  She sagged against him, her knees weakening as his arms came around her to mold her body tightly to his. 

                "All my good intentions just flew out the window." He breathed against her skin. "What is it about you that makes me forget everything else?"

                Her eyes opened to stare into his violet ones and she managed a small smile. "I…I don't know… but you seem to have the same effect on me..." 

                "One kiss." He said, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head. 

                "One kiss." She echoed, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck.

                His other hand came up to caress her cheek, his thumb running gently over her full lips as he stared into her emerald eyes. Then, dropping his gaze to her mouth, Nick lowered his head, capturing her lips with his as his hand moved down to rest against the side of her neck. 

                Miaka's eyes closed as she felt his mouth move over hers and moaned softly as she felt the tip of his tongue run over her bottom lip. She leaned into him, opening her mouth as her arms tightened around his neck. 

                She made a sound of disappointment as his mouth left hers, trailing an open mouth kiss over her cheek to her ear. 

                "You feel it don't you?" He whispered. "You can feel how I burn for you." Taking her hand he placed it over his heart. "Feel how fast my heart is beating. It beats for you, Miaka-only you. And it has since the first time I laid eyes on you."

                Miaka's eyes widened even as tears gathered to blind her vision. "I…I know." She whimpered pressing his hand against her own heart. "I know that because I feel the same way…and that's what scares me." 

                Pulling back, Nick gazed down into her eyes. "Why? Why should you be afraid of something that feels so _right_? What hold does this guy have on you that you think you _have _to love him?"

                Miaka merely shook her head, unable to speak. How could she tell him that he wasn't the woman he thought she was. How could she tell him that the man she had fallen for so suddenly had once been her best friend-a friend that she didn't realize had fallen in love with _her _until it was too late? How could she explain that she was trying to do the right thing by trying to keep what Nuriko had worked so hard to accomplish; her and Tamahome staying together? 

                Putting a finger under her chin, Nick tilted Miaka's face up. When she tried to turn away, he bent his head and captured her mouth once more, putting all the passion he felt for her into the press of his lips against hers.

                Miaka immediately felt the difference in his kiss and responded wholeheartedly, her free hand coming up to wrap around the nape of his neck. Her every thought disappeared as she felt his tongue meet hers in a caress that was sweeter than anything she had ever experienced. She had always wondered what kind of kiss she and Nuriko would have shared that night in the cave and now she was finding out…it was sweet and shy as well as  intense and passionate and she found herself wishing that it would never end.

                As he felt Miaka's fervent response to the kiss, Nick  moaned deep in his throat, his body tightening with his need of her. Moving his hands to the small of her back, he pressed her high against him and tilted his head to deepen their kiss. Every night since he had met the woman in his arms he had dreamed of how it would feel to kiss her…to taste her. The reality was better than anything he had ever imagined. 

               As the kiss continued,  and thoughts of  making her writhe in pleasure beneath him inflamed his senses, Nick knew he had to stop. No matter how right this moment felt he knew it was wrong to make love to her now when her heart still belonged to another. Such intimacy would only end up hurting them both.         

                He slowly pulled away from her, capturing her bottom lip between his teeth and biting it in a gentle farewell before releasing her mouth completely. He drew back and stared down into her dazed with a frown. 

                "W-What's wrong?" She asked, between panting breaths. 

                Nick stepped away from her and ran a hand through his hair as he growled with frustration. "I can't do this, Miaka! I just can't kiss you like you're mine  when I know there's no way I can ever _make_ you mine! All I want to do is lay you down on that couch and make love to you until you forget all about Tamahome…but an illicit affair is not what I want from you."

                Miaka felt intense heat filling her face, and knew it had nothing to do with embarrassment. Sparks of pleasure and arousal traveled through her with his every word. 

                "Don't look at me like that." Nick said almost pleadingly, as he moved close to her. Reaching up he placed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his touch lingering on her cheek. "You are so beautiful."

                "Nick… I…"

                They froze as the office door suddenly swung open and Tanya appeared.  

              "Miss Yukki, could I have-"  She broke off her question upon seeing Nick's hand upon her boss's cheek. "Oh! I'm so sorry- I f-forgot th-that….I mean, so sorry to interrupt!" She stammered, quickly turning to head back the way she had come in.

                "It's all right, Tanya… I was just leaving." Nick said pleasantly. Placing a chaste kiss where his hand had just been, he straightened and walked away from Miaka without a backwards glance, leaving Miaka alone with her tortured thoughts. 

************

                Kathleen Casey looked guiltily at the man beside her and sighed. In the two days since she had met Tamahome they had spent almost every minute they could together. In those two days the guilt had only grown stronger. 

                "Something wrong?" He asked, taking his eyes off the road momentarily to throw her a quick grin.

                "Actually yes. This isn't right." She blurted out.

                "What? I'm going the wrong way?"

                "No, I mean…this." Kate said, gesturing at him. "You and me….us. You're engaged to Miaka but you've barely spent any time with her the whole time you've been here."

                "We're friends. There's nothing wrong with friends going out and having a good time, is there?" He pointed out reasonably. "Besides, Miaka's been busy working anyway so who else would show me the city?"

                Kat hesitated. "Yes, I know…but there's the problem." Taking a deep breath she let it out slowly. "Wait, first…perhaps you should pull over." 

                Giving her a strange look, Tamahome did as he was requested and pulled over to the side of the road , and then cut off the engine and turning to face the woman sitting beside him. "Okay, shoot." 

                "All right….well you see….the problem is….I like you." She said in a rush, as she clasped her hands tightly together.

                "I like you too, Kat!" He answered with a smile, reaching over to squeeze her knee.

                She shook her head and shifted restlessly under his hand. "No…I mean… I _like_ you. In a way that is anything but platonic."

                 "I see…wow, Kat…I…don't know what to say…except …I'm flattered." Tamahome stammered, when at last he could speak.

                "I don't want you to be flattered!" She cried. "I want you to say that you think I'm really nice but you're engaged! I want you to say that it can't happen between us because you're in love with Miaka!"

                "I see." Tamahome replied, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. After a tense minute of silence, he finally withdrew his hand from her knee and he turned to restart the car. 

                "You _are _in love with Miaka….aren't you?" Kat asked him softly, placing a hand on his arm. 

                "Of course I love Miaka," He answered slowly. "I always have." 

                Even though it was what she had said she wanted to hear,  Kat could feel tears of loss and longing springing to her eyes. ."I think maybe you should take me home now." 

                Tamahome nodded silently, careful not to meet her gaze, even as they pulled up to her apartment. Not waiting for him to get out and come around the car, Kat quickly opened her door and exited the car without saying goodbye. 

*******************

                Miaka sat at her desk staring blankly at an open manuscript. It had been over an hour since Nick left and she could still feel the press of his lips against hers. 

                He had been right to end their kiss. If he hadn't, she had no doubt they _would _have ended up on her couch. As soon as he had touched her all other thoughts had melted away. He had been the only thing that was important. 

                She knew they couldn't go on this way. There was no way they could work together with this strong attraction flowing between them. She had made her decision. Going back to Japan was the smartest thing for all concerned. After all, Tamahome had been practically begging her to transfer back and she knew Tetsuya wouldn't complain.

                The only thing that had been holding her back was the thought of losing Nuriko all over again. When he had been killed on that icy mountain she had felt as if she had died right along with him. Despite her outward acceptance of the event, it had taken her years to get over his tragic death, and to this day, even now knowing his spirit lived on within Nick, she still could not think of it without tears filling her eyes. 

                The choice that had once seemed so simple was in fact the hardest decision she had ever had to make. Even harder than continuing her journey for the Shinzaho without him. But could she really give up all that her friends had worked so hard to achieve? They had all given up pieces of themselves-  even their very lives- for the sake of her and Tamahome's love for one another. She now had to see things through with Tamahome, or those sacrifices would have been in vain. 

                Her decision made, Miaka reached for the phone and dialed, tapping her fingers nervously against the desktop as it rang. 

"Forgive me…Nuriko." She whispered, just as Tamahome's voice answered her summons. 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Always….**

**Chapter Eight**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or any of its characters, etc.

Tamahome set the receiver down and turned to look at the woman sitting on the small couch of his hotel suite. 

                "That was Miaka. She'll be here in ten minutes." He said softly.

                "I think I should go." Kat said, getting to her feet and smoothing her skirt. 

                "No wait." 

                Kat's eyes lifted and met those of the man she had fallen for so quickly. "This was…a bad idea. You shouldn't have called me back to the car and I shouldn't have come back. I…you'd think I would have learned my lesson about getting involved with attached men."                 Her smile faltered as the thought of Charles caused a stab of pain to pierce her heart. After a relationship that had last three years she had found out he was already married and had been for five years. Memories of her stupidity and blindness caused her face to flush and she reached for her pocketbook, trying to hide the tears that had filled her eyes. 

                "I..I don't want you to go." Tamahome said, barely above a whisper. "I'll tell Miaka about us." 

                "There is no _us_." She replied sadly. 

                "I think we both know that isn't true." He paused. "Look, a long time ago Miaka told me she loved me after only knowing me a day or so. We were both young and I always wondered how she could know something like that in such a small amount of time- hell, she didn't even know me then. But now," Taking Kat's hand in his he brought it to his mouth and brushed his lips across her wrist. "Now… I think I  know how it happened." He whispered the words, his eyes adding many more things that his mouth hadn't expressed aloud. 

                Tears that she had been holding back silently slipped from Kat's eyes as she slowly withdrew her hand from his. Oh how she wanted to believe that this wonderful man was in love with her, but that didn't change the fact that he was engaged to Miaka…and that she had been burned by an attached man not too long ago, an experience that had taught her to be wary of appearances. 

                "I have to go." She repeated, but allowed herself to caress his cheek one last time before making her way to the door.  As she turned to walk away, Tamahome's hand shot out and closed around her upper arm. Her eyes closed and she released a ragged breath as she savored his touch. 

                "I'll call you." He promised firmly and even though she knew it was wrong and that there was no hope for them, Kat nodded her consent and quickly left the hotel room.

*******************

                An hour and a half after Kat had left and his fiancée' had arrived, Tamahome rubbed his tired eyes and sighed heavily. From the moment Miaka had walked through his room door, they had done nothing but argue. 

                The main topic, of course, was her eventual move to Japan. For some reason she would not disclose to him, Miaka suddenly wanted to move immediately, an occurrence that he was not prepared for and did not welcome for  reasons he could not explain just yet. 

                "Look, Miaka, just tell me what's going on. Did you get fired from your job or something?" 

                Miaka blinked and shook her head. "No."

                "Then why the sudden change of heart? I know when I was here just last week you didn't want to move at all, now all of a sudden you want to leave in two days."

                "I…I…well…I've been thinking about what you said and realized you were right. This long distance thing isn't working we both know that. You already have a terrific job offer in Japan and there's really no reason why I can't transfer back to the corporate office there." She answered, avoiding his gaze.

                "I thought you said you weren't needed there." He replied softly.

                "Well…I…don't you _want _me to move back to Japan?" Miaka asked irritably. 

                Tamahome stared at the woman who had been his whole world for over ten years now. The years had been kind to her, changing her cute perkiness into a beauty that was almost too much for words. 

However, even though her face didn't show the strain,  he had finally realized the past few years had been hard on her- no, on _them_. As the years they had spent together played through his mind, it hit him that he had been selfish and a bit unkind to Miaka more than a few times. Blinded by his need to prove to her and himself that he could protect her in her strange world, he had become obsessed with that purpose, to the exclusion of all else, including Miaka's and his own happiness.

                 His gaze dropped to the diamond ring he had saved over a month for and a pang of guilt stabbed him. He had never even properly asked her to marry him- but being the kind of  woman she was, Miaka had never  complained about it. He felt tears form behind his eyes as he realized somehow in all these years he had fallen out of love with the one woman he swore he would never leave.  Instead of the passion he once held for Miaka, he now knew he only felt a brotherly concern at most, even though he owed her so much more than that. 

                "Of course I want you to move back." He finally answered, over the lump in his throat. Turning aside he inconspicuously wiped his eyes. "Look, if you want it to happen that soon, I can change your plane tickets and then when you come up for my graduation we can go ahead and  move into the apartment I found for us. I have some money saved up so I'll go ahead and put in the deposit."

***********************

                Miaka stared at the alarm clock as it buzzed, barely blinking as she reached over to slowly turn it off. She had slept little, if at all, the night before and dreaded facing the new day. There were many preparations that would have to be made for her trip back to Japan and she wasn't looking forward to any of them. 

                Throwing the light blanket off her body, she got out of bed and stiffly made her way to the bathroom. She grimaced when she saw her reflection in the mirror, as she realized that no amount of makeup would disguise the dark circles under her eyes. 

                Tears suddenly blurred her vision and she grasped the edge of the sink tightly. Could she really go through with giving up the life she had built here? It was true that Tetsuya had given her a job when no one else would, but she had proven she was good at her job and she loved it. She had learned to take care of herself, no longer depending on others to see after her well being. She had even gone so far as to take self defense classes for over a month. 

                Now she would be going right back into the situation she had tried so hard to break free from. There was no doubt in her mind that Tamahome would insist that she quit her job. Sure, he told her she could simply transfer back to the corporate office but she knew it would only be a matter of time before he suggested she quit. 

                She would also be giving up her independence. Here she had her own apartment, a savings account, and looked forward each night to cooking her dinner and sitting down to watch TV before falling asleep. A pretty boring life by most people's standards, but it was a life she loved.

                Blinking the tears out of her eyes, she took a deep breath and forced herself to relax her hands. The decision had been made and there was no turning back now; the only thing she could do to make it easier was to set everything into motion as soon as possible before she changed her mind.

************

                An hour later Miaka entered her office building, a satchel firmly grasped in her hand. She nodded to her co-workers as she made her way to the elevator, her stride purposeful and her head high. 

                The doors of the elevator swished open at her floor and she stepped out, and then froze, as she saw the couple standing outside her office door.

                Nick and Tanya stood close together, laughing at something they were saying that Miaka could not hear. As she watched, the petite blonde hit Nick's arm playfully and he reached up to brush the hair from her cheek. 

                Miaka's grasp tightened on her bag and she could feel tears burning behind her eyes even as the heat of anger filled her face. How dare he! Not twenty-four hours ago he had been holding her in his arms, kissing her passionately. He had brushed her hair back in exactly the same way ! And now… he actually  had the nerve to hit on her assistant! 

                Taking a deep, calming breath, she forced her heavy feet to walk forward as she saw Nick lean down to whisper something to the smiling girl. 

                "Good morning." She said as she approached. 

                Nick slowly straightened, his lips curving into a smile. Tanya looked down at her feet, a blush staining her pale cheeks. 

                "Just the woman I came to see." Nick said cheerfully, as his eyes met hers.

                "Oh really? It looked to me as if you'd already found who you were looking for." Miaka answered, arching an eyebrow.

                His smile faded slowly, then turned into a small frown as his gaze darted back and forth between the two women. 

                "I…I'll see you tonight, Nick." Tanya stammered, after shooting a quick glance at Miaka's cold expression. She quickly turned and headed down the hallway.

                "I have a lot to do today, so let's make this quick." Miaka said tersely as she brushed past Nick and walked  into her office.

                "Yeah… ok." He followed her into the office and closed the door behind him. "This seems to be a pattern, but I wanted to apologize to you for yesterday."

                "Apology accepted." She replied, busying herself by pulling papers from her satchel. "Close the door on your way out please."

                Nick stood there for a moment, a look of confusion upon his face. "You all right?" He finally asked.

                "I'm fine, why?"

                "Well, I know what I did yesterday was wrong but I don't think it deserves the cold shoulder I seem to be getting." He said defensively. "I thought that above all else we were still friends, and could work this out together."

                Miaka shrugged. "Apparently yesterday meant as little to you as it did me so I don't see how there is anything to work out."

                His face darkened. "What are you talking about? You know good and well that it meant something….to both of us! What's going on, Miaka?"

                "It meant so much to you that the first thing I see when I get here today is you groping my assistant!"

                Nick's mouth opened then shut with a snap. His jaw tightened as anger filled his gaze. "First of all I was not _groping your assistant…we were talking! Second of all, what do you care? You've made it pretty clear __you don't want me!"_

                "I _don't care!" She cried, throwing down the papers in her hands. "Do you whatever you want! It's not like I have any claim on you."_

                "I think you _do_ care." He retorted, advancing into the room. "And I think you're jealous. Make up your mind, Miaka. You either want me or you don't, but don't expect me to sit around waiting while you make up your mind! Tanya asked me to a movie tonight and I agreed to go. If you have a problem with that, maybe you should re-evaluate your own relationship."

                "What's that supposed to mean?"  
                "It means that you don't love Tamahome and you know it!"

                "W-We aren't talking about Tamahome or my relationship. Actually, we're not talking about anything! I want you to leave!" Miaka snapped.

                Nick glared at her angrily before giving a curt nod. "Fine." He bit out, and stalked from the room, slamming the door loudly behind him. Only then did  Miaka fall into her chair and allow her head to drop into her hands as tears of frustration flowed down her cheeks.

****************

                "Maybe we should call it a night." 

                The softly spoken comment broke into Nick's reverie, causing him to look down at his date in surprise.

                "Something wrong?" He asked in concern, when he saw the sad look on her face.

                Giving him a small smile, Tanya shook her head. "Not with me, but I can tell _you_ aren't having a very good time."

                Nick put an arm around her shoulders and he hugged her briefly. "I'm having a great time, silly. What makes you think I'm not?"

                Tanya stopped their stroll and turned to him with a frown. "Please don't patronize me, Nick. I can tell your mind is definitely somewhere else." She paused and cleared her throat nervously. "You're in love with her aren't you?"

                Nick's mouth opened to issue a protest then shut it and nodded slowly. "Yeah I am." He admitted with a sigh. They began to walk again and he continued. "Kind of stupid of me to fall in love with someone who's already spoken for, wasn't it?"

                "You mean that fiancé of hers, don't you? Well let me tell you something about those two…do you know that Miaka had a birthday not too long before the two of you started working together?  She received phone calls all day and lots of flower deliveries. But not once did her fiancé call and he didn't even send her any flowers!" Tanya told him quietly. "And furthermore, although Miaka asked me all day if her brother or her friend had called yet, not once did she ask about her fiance! I think that says a lot, don't you?"  
                "Yes, I think so,." Nick began, but his voice trailed off as he caught site of a couple exiting a nearby car. As he stared at the now passionately embracing couple, Nick's face flamed as anger and confusion built within him. Maybe his eyes were playing tricks… but it sure looked as if his baby sister was having the daylights kissed out of her by Miaka's fiancé. 

****************

                Miaka entered her apartment and threw her keys onto a nearby table, happy to be home at last. Exhaustion had seeped into her bones and she knew it was more than just the hard day she had put in at work. Flopping down on the couch, she pulled up her legs underneath her and laid her head back against the couch's back and reviewed the events of the day. 

              After Nick had left so angrily she had done the only thing she was able to at the time-she cried. There was no doubt in her mind that she had lost Nuriko all over again. There was no way they could mend their relationship now and it appeared, by the way Nick had been comfortably teasing her assistant this morning, that he would not miss her when she left. 

                But what if she didn't leave? What if she told Tamahome she couldn't and wouldn't give up her career? What if she told him she wouldn't marry him? 

                Strangely, the thought caused her heart to warm as well as a giddy feeling of excitement. She frowned up at the ceiling,  thoughts circling erratically in her head. Why did the thought of freeing herself from Tamahome excite her so much? And why did she think of staying in America as 'freeing' herself from the man she loved so dearly?  

                Nick's hotly spoken words of that morning came back to echo in her head and she closed her eyes. Was it true? Did she not love Tamahome the way she used to? 

******************

                Nick lay in bed staring at the barely lit ceiling, thoughts of his fight with Miaka and the sight of his sister in the arms of Tamahome rerun themselves in his mind.  Faint light flooded in from the street lamp outside his bedroom window but otherwise his apartment was as dark as his present mood.

                After seeing the two together he had quickly led Tanya in the other direction, not wanting Kat to see him. He had the strange urge to keep this knowledge to himself for the moment and didn't know why. The largest reason being that he hated thinking badly of his sister and was afraid of how she would explain being in the arms of another woman's man. To his way of thinking, as long as he didn't confront her about it, he could draw his own safe conclusions. However wrong that might be he could live with it.

                The second reason for his silence was purely selfish. Perhaps if he didn't interfere and let things run their course, Miaka would discover Tamahome's infidelity and end the relationship. The perfect opportunity for him to make his move. The ramifications of such actions both excited and filled him with guilt. 

                Despite whatever guilt he felt, he did not call Kat that night. Instead he had immediately gone to bed and here he still was. He hadn't closed his eyes all night, silently debating with himself about telling Miaka what he had seen. 

                Turning his head he looked at the glowing red digits of his alarm clock and sighed as he sat up. Just as he was getting to his feet the phone rang shrilly, causing him to jump violently. 

                "Yeah?" He answered somewhat irritably.

                "What makes you think I'm not in love with Tamahome?" A feminine voice asked quietly. 

                "Miaka? What the hell? It's four in the morning! Are you all right?" 

                "Please answer my question. This morning you said that I don't love Tamahome anymore. What makes you think that?" 

                Running a hand through his tousled hair, Nick sighed. "Hell, a lot of things. Maybe the way the two of you were at lunch the other day, the way you refused to meet his eyes, the way you barely said two words to him, the way you touched my hand whenever you could but shied away from his every gesture." He paused to take a breath , his free hand coming to his hip. "But most of all…maybe it's because I have this feeling like I've seen the two of you together long before this and I know things aren't the same as they were." He finished softly. 

                "I see." 

                A long silence fell between them. Finally, and just as Nick was thinking about confessing to her what he'd seen between his sister and Tamahome, Miaka spoke.

               "Nick, I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving in two days to go back to Japan with Tamahome. You and I can still work together, of course, but it will have to through emails and phone calls. If you'd rather have another editor that lives closer to you, I'll understand." 

                "Y-You're leaving?" Nick's heart skipped a beat, and then sank.

                "Yes…Tamahome has already found us an apartment." Miaka continued brightly, although she was unable to disguise the underlying tears in her voice. "I've already spoken to Tetsuya and he said I could have my old position back. It…it's better this way, Nick. I-I'll probably see you before I leave."

                "Wait!" He cried, before realizing he was talking to a dead line. It was too late, she had already hung up.

                After throwing the phone across the room in anger, Nick suddenly realized he was crying. He briskly wiped the moisture from his cheeks, and then he did the only thing that had ever given him comfort in his twenty-eight years on earth-he sat down and poured his heartache into a story.

                Sitting in front of this computer, his fingers flew across the keyboard as he wrote about a boy who had watched as his sister had been run over by a horse. How that tragic death had caused him to _become his little sister to keep her memory alive. The little boy eventually became a young man and entered the Emperor's harm, still disguised as his dead little sister. There he fell in love with the handsome Emperor until one day a girl from another world came to snatch the Emperor's attention from him. He had hated the young girl who dressed and talked so strangely until one day he discovered he had fallen in love with her himself. For her he had shed his façade and faced the world as the man he was, only to be killed soon after. He died in the snow as his beloved cried above him._

                He wrote until the sun came up and then some, not stopping until he came to the very end of the story as he knew it. When at last  he finished the tale, Nick flexed his cramped fingers as he read over what he had written. As he did so, long repressed memories started to surface, and he cried out with the rush of emotions and realizations they brought with them. 

                He, Nick Casey, had once been Ryuuen Cho, otherwise known as the celestial warrior Nuriko. All the pieces had fallen into place now…and Nick laughed triumphantly as he realized what it all meant.

                He had done it-he had kept his promise to Miaka! He had found her again just as he said he would. 

              But to what end? 

                Things between them now were almost exactly as they were then. Miaka loved Tamahome and Nick loved her. She and Tamahome would be married soon and she would be leaving her life here to return to Japan. 

              Unless….

                Suddenly more excited that he had been in a long time, Nick quickly hit the print button on his keyboard, and then went to dig out some clean clothes from a pile in the floor. 

09/02/02 Author's Note: Well, I was going to wait and include this on the next chapter posted but decided to go ahead and add it to this one. I want to say a huge thank you to each and every person who has left such wonderful reviews and send emails about this story. I have to admit; when I first started writing this I was nervous about posting it. I wasn't sure how people would take the fact that Nick was a romance novelist and at the time I rarely saw Nuriko x Miaka pairings. I told a very good friend of mine about my idea and she told me I _must _write this story, no if's and's or but's about it. LOL So thank you, KittyLynne, for encouraging me to go for it. I have both loved and hated writing this. Loved it because I love Nuriko and was able to portray him the way I think of him. As a man who is sexy as hell and has desires just like any other man. The only thing I've hated about writing this story is I know it must end. Anyway, I ramble on ~_^ Thank you again for all the reviews and I hope you enjoy the remaining chapters. 


	9. Chapter Nine

Always…

Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or its characters, etc, etc.

A/N: This chapter has a very strong R rating for adult content. 

"As much as I like you, Nick, if you don't stop glaring at me I'm going to punch you!  I want to help you, I really do but she doesn't want to see anyone…especially you." Tanya quickly held up a hand to stop another angry retort. "Her words- not mine," she stated quietly, giving the man in front of her a humorless smile. "She's been in there crying all day. Please, don't make this any worse on her."

                "Worse on her?" Nick braced his hands on the assistant's desk. "How do you think I feel?" He let out a frustrated sigh and  shook his head. "If you're not going to let me in, can you at least give this to her for me?"                He held out a thick manila envelope with Miaka's name scrawled across the front. Tanya nodded and took the heavy package. 

                "Thanks." Nick said. 

              He cast one last longing look at the closed office door, then turned on his heel and strode away.

******************

                The soft knock on the door startled Miaka so badly she jumped violently, the box of tissues sitting her lap tumbling to the floor. She blew her nose and wiped the mascara from her face before calling out.

                Tanya entered the office, careful to keep her expression blank. The last thing her superior needed right now was a show of pity. She knew from experience that would be the last straw before completely losing all composure. 

                "Nick Casey was just here-" She began, but  Miaka interrupted.

               " Did you tell him I was here?"

                "No, he figured it out…and  was very insistent about coming in here. I told him you weren't seeing anyone today." Bringing the large envelope from behind her back she held it out, finally dropping it onto the desk's surface when she was ignored. "He left this for you. It seemed rather important that you open it as soon as possible."

                "Thank you, Tanya."

                Biting her lip, the young blonde nodded. "Sure thing." 

                As she turned to leave she stopped, hearing the auburn-haired woman's soft voice. "Wait." When Tanya turned to face her once more, Miaka smiled weakly. "I..I know it's none of my business but….did you and Nick have a good time last night?"

                Tanya hesitated before answering, debating on how direct she should be. One look at the misery etched in  her employer's face helped her come a decision. "Yes and no. Overall it was a pleasant evening, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else." 

                  "Oh…" Miaka was trying hard not to look relieved, but not succeeding.   " I'm sorry that things didn't work out."

                "Are you?" Tanya asked gently. 

                 "Well, of course I am!" Miaka lied. Her eyes dropped away from her assistant's knowing expression to the envelope that had been put on her desk. "Nick's a wonderful guy, and someone worth pursuing. Don't get discouraged."

                 "I'm not discouraged, but I am a realist,"  Tanya said, smiling sadly. "It's a waste of time to run after a guy who wants someone else. "

                 Miaka quickly looked up, but her assistant had already turned to exit the room. Before she could find the voice to call Tanya back, the door had closed behind the blonde with a sharp click. For a moment Miaka felt paralyzed, not knowing what to do. Eventually she decided the safest course was to take a look at the envelope. Heart pounding with excitement, she opened the package with trembling fingers- and pulled out a thick manuscript. 

Intense disappointment smothered the hope she had felt rising within her. Apparently Nick had merely stopped by to drop off  his latest effort; everything was business as usual with him. Tears blurred her vision for what seemed like the thousandth time that day, and she angrily blinked them back.  _~You have a job to do, Miaka. Pull yourself together and be as professional as Nick!_ ~As her vision cleared , she forced herself to scan the top sheet- and then gasped loudly as she spotted the name "Nuriko" inscribed upon the first page. Reaching out with a shaking hand, Miaka slid the manuscript closer to her, and began to read. 

*********************

                Nick paced his apartment, resisting the urge to pick up the phone and try Miaka's number again. He had left her numerous messages all day but had gotten no response, so he didn't even know if she had bothered to open the package he had left her. 

                Tanya had refused to get into the middle of it, merely taking his messages and promising that she would make sure Miaka received them. He fumed silently, feeling helpless in knowing that Miaka would talk to him only when she was good and ready and not a second before. She had always been headstrong when it came to battling with Nuriko, and it certainly hadn't changed with him.

                The thought made him smile for the first time that day and he finally allowed himself to reflect on all that had happened those years ago. After the initial shock of remembering his past life, he had quickly pushed the memories back, not wanting to feel the strong emotional tide that overcame him. 

                In this life he had learned to shield his feelings, never letting anyone know exactly how he felt about anything. That ability had served him well all these years, the teasing and rude comments barely denting the wall he had built around himself.  Kat was the only person who really knew him, that is, until Miaka came back into his life and touched something in him that up until now he hadn't understood. 

                 He had always loved her and always would love her. She was his destiny and he would do anything to prove that to her.

                The revelation spurred  him to take action. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, yanking it open to reveal his startling looking sister, whose hand was poised to knock. Nick froze as his eyes traveled over her set features. Tears pricked behind his eyelids. 

                "Nick?" She asked, her expression sharpening with concern and worry as she saw he was about to cry. "What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" She reached up and pressed a hand against his forehead to check for a fever. Nick grabbed her hand and pulled her into a tight embrace as tears fell down his cheeks. Burying his face in her hair,  he clung to her as if she would disappear if he let go.

                "Kourin…" He whispered brokenly. 

                "N-Nicky? You're scaring me." She didn't try to move from his embrace; instead her arms came around his waist and held on tight. Tears came to her own eyes but she didn't know why, only knew that there was something significant about this moment. 

                As Nick held his sister in his arms, he wept, remembering the vibrant little girl that had been so full of life, and how that life had been snuffed out suddenly and painfully. After several minutes the storm of emotion abated, and he was able to ease his hold on Kat, and then eventually release her. 

                   He smiled down into her tear-streaked face, and reached out to smooth a tender hand over her hair.  "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. It…. well, it's been a long day that's all." His smile slowly faded as he remembered seeing her the night before. "We need to talk, Ko…Kat." 

                "I know, that's why I came by. I…I need to tell you something too…." Kat stopped, seeing Nick's attention shift to something behind her. 

                "Miaka," He said, hope filling his voice.

                Heat rose to Kat's face as she turned to face the woman she had all but betrayed. Averting her gaze she threw a weak greeting in Miaka's general direction, and then quickly turned back to her brother . 

               "You know what, Nicky? We can talk later. I-I'm sure Miaka needs to talk to you more than I do."  She patted his arm, then, with a nervous smile still pasted to her lips, she edged around Miaka and quickly skipped down the porch steps before Nick could object.   

                When she was gone Nick look at Miaka, for once at a complete loss for words.

                 Miaka smiled.  "Can I come in?" 

                "Oh yeah! Sorry." Standing back, Nick opened the door wider for her to pass. Closing it behind her he sucked in a deep breath. "Did you  read what I left for you?" He asked in a rush, both excited and afraid to hear her answer.

                "I'm here because I wanted to say goodbye in person." She answered, avoiding his question. "I didn't want…I _couldn't_ leave things the way they were between us. And I wanted to tell you  that you were right, I shouldn't have been jealous about Tanya." Taking a seat on the couch she patted the cushion beside her. 

                Nick eased down beside her and took her hand in his. "It doesn't matter if you should have been or not. I know from experience having no claim on someone doesn't mean you aren't jealous to see them with someone else." He said, silently urging her to meet his gaze. 

                She squeezed his hand and felt tears come to her eyes but blinked to keep them from falling. She would get through this…she had to. "When I told you last night that we could still work together I meant it but Tama…I mean _I_ decided that it would be better if I just resign from the company. So you'll be working with another editor starting next week. I've already spoken to her and she has no idea you're a man. As long as you don't tell her she'll never know." 

                "Miaka…I need to tell you something. I remember-"

                Acting quickly, Miaka put a hand over his mouth, smothering his words. "Please don't say anything more Nick. Just…j-just…."  She looked into his eyes, and what she saw within them caused the barely suppressed tears to spill over and stream hotly down her cheeks. Love for him as he was now and as he had been then filled her and she suddenly longed to be closer to him, as close as it was possible for her to be. 

                Slowly moving her hand from his mouth Miaka leaned forward and kissed him. 

                At the first touch of her lips, Nick felt as he had died a small death. How many times had he imagined what her lips would feel like; imagined how sweet she tasted. How many times had he watched her press those tender lips against Tamahome's, wishing all the while he was the one who held her? How many times had he lain in the bed beside her, suffering both the pleasure and pain of forbidden desire because everyone assumed he was 'safe'? And how many times, while lying in that bed, had he watched her sleep, watched her chest slowly rise and fall, a small smile of happiness on her lips. How many times had he fantasized that she was dreaming of him? _Millions of times_, a small voice answered him, _but now you don't have to imagine any more_. 

                He raised his hands to cup her face and  his body tightened with desire when her lips parted to deepen the kiss. As her eager tongue rose to meet his, he knew that his imagination had been sorely lacking and that no fantasy could ever have prepared him for the sweetness of tasting her. He was no longer Nick Casey; he was Nuriko, holding his beloved Priestess in his arms; no longer an experienced man,  but the inexperienced virgin of his former youth, excited and eager to please the only woman he had ever loved. Pulling away from the kiss for a moment,  he looked into the eyes of the woman he loved more than life itself, his thumbs caressing her cheeks and  his body shaking from the emotions that were overwhelming him.

              Then her hand rose to cover his, and Nick forgot everything as he saw the answer to his unspoken question shining in Miaka's eyes. He sighed deeply as a great sense of peace filled him as he realized that at least for now, she was his, and that although there had been a time he had been forced to worship her from afar, this night he would finally worship her with his body. What happened afterward didn't matter; the only thing that mattered was that at this moment she finally wanted him as a man. 

              Nick smiled into her eyes, then stood up and drew Miaka to her feet, placing a light kiss on her temple before taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.  Once they were there he didn't stop until they had reached the bed         

              He sat, and then pulled Miaka to stand between his knees. Not wanting to waste any more time, he immediately began to unbutton her blouse inch by agonizing inch, his lips caressing each patch of skin he exposed. She moaned softly, her head falling back as he finally slipped the blouse from her shoulders and down her arms. He buried his face between the soft swell of her breasts, and then turned his head to kiss one then the other, his tongue tracing small circles on her sensitive skin. She arched into the caress, her hands coming up to hold his head to her. Suddenly impatient to get at the rest of her, he reached behind her to unhook her bra, sliding the dainty material down her arms with a frustrating slowness. 

                His eyes drank in the sight of her exposed breasts, and he reached up a hand to run his knuckles lightly over the hardening tips. A smile came to his lips at her soft gasp and his hands moved down her slim waist and slid the slacks she wore down her hips. 

                Miaka slipped out of her shoes, kicking the clothing aside as it hit the floor. She now stood before him completely bare and she knew it was more than merely her naked body that lay open to him. Staring down into the violet depths of his eyes she felt the love he held for her and basked in it. Seeing the tears misting his eyes she caressed his cheek, saying the only thing she knew at the moment. The one thing she should have said all those years ago but was too blind to even realize.

                "I love you." She whispered, as her lips lowered to meet his. The gentleness of his tongue against hers inflamed her senses and she buried her fingers in his hair, letting out a soft moan. As their lips parted she saw the tears leaving a trail down his face and she kissed them away before placing a small touch of lips against each closed eye. 

                Nick's hands ran a feathery light trail over her body, feeling the silkiness of her skin against his fingertips. He then stood taking her hands and kissing each finger before laying her down on the bed where his mouth explored what only his fingers knew. 

                Miaka's head dug into the pillow as her body arched to meet his mouth, moaning softly as he took his time, inflaming every sensitive point on her body. When his fingers touched and caressed her in the most intimate of places she cried his name as her body quickly responded, pleasure washing over her in waves. As she came back down to earth he was there, placing small kisses on her breasts and neck his hands stroking the hips that still seemed to have a mind of their own as they moved restlessly against him.

                Nick left briefly to strip off his own clothes, which now seemed almost unbearably suffocating, then returned, his body moving up and over hers with a grace that only he possessed.  Their fingers entwined as she accepted him into her, and as their bodies joined, Nick knew the greatest pleasure he had known in either life. Being inside her was indescribable; like the beauty of a sunset or the crashing of waves against the shore. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever experienced. 

                He closed his eyes, his body moving steadily against and inside her as he whispered words of love into her ear that fanned the flames burning within her.  

                Miaka felt her body quicken to his slow, sustained stroking, and wrapped her legs around his waist to take in as much of him as she could. As her climax drew near, she turned to catch his mouth with hers, her tongue feverishly seeking out his as ecstasy found her for the second time. She cried out his name into his mouth, her hands squeezing his tightly. 

                Nick felt her body convulse around his and the tight hold he had on his self-control snapped. He drove into her with increasing ferocity. His hands left hers to cup her lovely face and he sent his tongue deep into her mouth, until his final deep thrusts began to send him over the edge. He threw his head back , the tendons in his neck straining as his body stiffened. He vaguely conscious of crying out and Miaka's arms hugging him fiercely to her before mindless pleasure consumed him.

                When it was over, he rested his forehead against hers, his breathing heavy. Opening his eyes, he met the emerald gaze of hers and smiled dazedly, the enormity of what had just happened between them rendering him speechless.  He rolled to his side and took her with him, wrapping her tightly in his arms, never wanting to let her go. As he listened to Miaka's breathing slow and felt her body relax into slumber, he stroked her hair. Despite his best efforts to stay awake, his eyes started to close as well, but just before sleep fully claimed him, Nick managed to say a quick prayer, asking that Miaka would still be with him when he awoke. 

*********************

                A few hours later Miaka slipped quietly from the bed, not wanting to disturb the man sleeping next to her. She got to her feet, and then turned to stare down into the exquisite face she had loved for so long, knowing she was taking the coward's way out by leaving him like this.

             But when _hadn't _she taken the coward's way when it came to dealing with her feelings for Nick?  Surely it wouldn't come as a surprise to him.

               Reaching down to push back a lock of hair that had fallen over Nick's eyes, Miaka covered her mouth to smother the anguished sound that escaped her throat. He looked like he had that day on the mountain; satisfied and at peace…

               Nick wouldn't understand why she had left him, or why she had not wanted to talk about his memories- or to even hear him tell her who he had been. He obviously knew that he had died for her and found her again, just as he had promised he would. 

                As Miaka gazed down at Nick, she suddenly realized that this time she couldn't run away. She couldn't simply leave him with no explanation. She owed her beloved Nuriko so much; at the very least he deserved to hear the truth. 

                Tearing her gaze away from the tranquil beauty of Nick's features she dressed quickly, and then headed for the living room in search of paper and pen.


	10. Chapter Ten

Always…

**Chapter Ten**

Disclaimer: I do not own Fushigi Yuugi or its characters, it and they belong to Yu Watase and all those other companies that have rights to them. (I can never remember their names =P )

         The sound of softly falling rain was the first thing he heard.

         Nick opened his eyes unwillingly, knowing even before his hand touched the cold sheets beside him that she was gone.  The steady patter on the window and the eerie silence of the room emphasized his solitary state, and he wished, as he had wished all those years ago, that he could turn back time just a few hours. If he  had been able to then, he would have saved Kourin; if he could now he could have stayed awake and  kept a tighter hold on the woman he loved. Maybe then she wouldn't have slipped from his grasp and from his life once again. 

         With a deep sigh, he raised a hand to roughly rub the moisture from his eyes. He had known she would go-had felt it as he had drifted off to sleep, praying useless prayers that he would see her face the next morning. But still….still it hurt so damn much. 

         Gathering his strength through the midst of sadness, he sat up, the sheet falling around his hips with a soft but audible rustle. As if in response to his motion, a small movement from the corner resounded in the silent bedroom. His head snapped up, his eyes searching the gloomy semi-darkness. When at last he found the source of the noise, his heart skipped a beat and a tentative smile curved his lips.

         "I thought you had left me." He said softly, fisting his hands in the rumpled sheets. No matter how much he longed to reach out to her, at this moment he knew it would be the wrong thing to do.

         Miaka smiled sadly at him from the depths of a cushioned chair that occupied one corner of his small bedroom. She had drawn her legs up in front of her, her arms clasped around them. As he spoke, he saw her hug her knees even more tightly against her chest, as if she too wished to avoid reaching out for him.

         "I….I was going to leave." She finally admitted, raising her voice a little to be heard above the rain. "I even wrote you a letter." She rested her chin on her knees, her expression becoming guarded. "I wrote it…and then I tore it up. After all that we've been through, you deserve more than words on a piece of paper."

         Nick stared at her, for once having no idea what to say. 

         "Last night….I will never regret what happened last night. Even so….I can't stay. You know, you remember what we went through. How hard we worked, how much we sacrificed just so Tamahome and I could be together. And you most of all. I heard the two of you talking that night at the inn….the night before you…..I heard what you told him. You told him you loved me and then when you….in my arms you told me you would find me again…..and you did."

         She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, and smiled. "You always were persistent. Always intent on getting what you wanted; I still remember how much you hated me for stealing Hotohori's attention." She laughed a little at the memory, and then sighed. "It's been so long since I've seen everyone. I miss them all so much….I missed _you _so much. You, my dearest friend Nuriko, you were the only one who ever understood me. The others cared for me and protected me with their lives, but they never really got to knowme like you did."

         Getting to her feet, Miaka made her way to the edge of the bed and sat down, lifting one hand to trail her fingers across his smooth cheek. "Do you have any idea how much it meant to me back then that you were there for me? That I had someone to confide in, to tell me that everything was okay and that Tamahome and I were meant to be together? But I was so stupid and wrapped up in my own problems, I never saw the pain you were in, and how much saying those words must have hurt you."

         Leaning forward she pressed her lips against his, the tears on her face moistening his skin. His arms came around to pull her closer to him, but sensing his intent she tore her lips from his and stood up. 

         He stared up at her, entreaty in his eyes.  "Miaka…don't go.  Things aren't the same with you two- I can see that….and I can _feel _that. I have no doubt that the two of you loved each other with all your hearts…but things have changed. You don't love him anymore, not in the way you used to."

         She turned, not wanting him to see the truth in her eyes; not wanting him to see how right he was. "We've grown up….matured, that's all. We don't need to live in each other's pockets! Just because we've been apart so long doesn't mean we don't love each other like we used to."

         "You said you loved _me_, Miaka." He replied stubbornly. 

         Fisting her hands at her sides, Miaka squeezed her eyes shut tighter, hating herself for what she was about to do.  "Did I say that?" She asked,  in a deliberately detached voice. 

         Angry heat rushed to Nick's face. "Yes, you did! You know you did! Why are you acting like you don't remember?"

         "It…I can't love you the way you want me to, Nuriko. When I said that last night I didn't mean it in the way you thought."

         "So you loved me just enough to screw me! Is that it?" He spat out bitterly, suddenly wanting her to hurt as much as she had just hurt him.

         As his words pierced her heart, she flinched, tears immediately rising to her eyes. "Just because I let my hormones get the best of me does not mean I'm in love with you. I thought men understood that better than women." A wave of false calm washed over her and she opened her eyes, her hands relaxing at her sides. It would be easier for her to deal with Nick's anger, and the hard gaze she felt boring a hole in her back. Maybe if she made him angry enough it would be easier for him to forget her, but how would she ever forget him? "Don't confuse lust with love." She concluded coolly.

         "Dammit, Miaka, stop this!" Nick bolted out of the bed,  not caring that he was naked. Coming up to her he grasped her shoulders and turned her , shaking  her lightly when she was facing him. "Stop acting like it meant nothing to you! Did you forget that I know you? You said yourself that no one ever knew you as well as me, and I happen to _know_ that you would never sleep with someone you didn't love!"

         His hands clamped down on her shoulders and yanked her to him,  as he lowered his head to capture her lips with his. Miaka gasped as his tongue shot past her lips and filled her mouth, its sensuous stroking encouraging a response from hers, which came, despite her best efforts to stop it.. She moaned as she brought her arms around his neck, savoring the feel of his arms lowering to encircle her waist. All thoughts vanished from her head as the kiss deepened, and she vaguely wondered why she was fighting. Being with Nick this way felt so right and so good that she didn't understand the nagging voice in her head that demanded she leave _now._  

However and all too soon, cold reason returned as she felt his rigid need for her pressing insistently against her lower abdomen. She tore her mouth from his, breathing heavily, and then pulled away from his touch , blushing as her eyes involuntarily dropped to his aroused member.

. She backed up until she felt she was out of reach from him and her desire, and then straightened her back and forced a bland expression as she met his gaze. 

"Did you forget that you haven't seen me in ten years? I was only a girl of fifteen then, I'm a woman now. You don't know me at all anymore, Nick. I love Tamahome-I love him more than anything in the world and we're getting married." _I'm sorry, Nuriko.  _She said silently. _This is best…for both of us. Don't look at me as if I've betrayed you._ Hating herself, she lifted a hand to wipe her mouth. "Last night was a temporary lapse of judgment. Don't make it into more than what it was."

         Nick watched with narrowed eyes as she wiped her mouth, apparently conveying the repulsion she felt at his touch.  Anger blinded him and his hands fisted at his sides. He would never hit a woman, especially this one, but the urge to hit _something _made him shake. She was lying; he knew that truth as much as he knew his own name, but what compulsion was driving her to stand there and belittle what they had was beyond his comprehension at the moment. 

                  As he wrestled with whether to give in to his impulse to grab her and never let her go or to pummel the nearest wall until it gave, Miaka suddenly pushed past him and ran out of  the room, collecting her purse on the way out.  He stood in the center of his bedroom, shock and utter disbelief holding him prisoner as he listened to the front door open and softly close behind her.

         She was right about one thing- it had been ten years since he had seen her, but everything else she said had been a lie, calculated to keep him from following her. She was not the type of woman who would ever have casual sex and he would eat his newest manuscript if she were still in love with Tamahome. Love was not a word Miaka took lightly and there was no doubt in his mind that she if she said she loved him, then she did love him!

         An image flashed through his mind, bringing on a rush of anger that momentarily blurred his vision; Tamahome and his sister locked in a passionate embrace, oblivious to anyone and anything around them; Tama's hands on the small of Kat's back, pressing her closer against his tall frame, her arms around his neck holding his head close to hers. The image and the anger finally spurred him into action.

         Muttering words under his breath that would have made Tasuki proud, Nick grabbed the first  pieces of clothing he could lay hands on and hurried to get dressed. Now that he was sure of Miaka's feelings, he'd be damned if he would allow her to get away that easily. 

*****************************

         Miaka sat in the back of the yellow taxicab, her tears flowing steadily along with the rain dripping down the dirty window. She had just returned to her apartment, heartbroken and weary, to pack a few belongings until she could have the rest of them shipped to her in Japan. The last to go into her small suitcase was a picture she had taken ten years ago. Her eyes ran over the purple haired figure standing in the left hand corner and she couldn't help the small smile that graced her lips as fond memories flooded her mind. 

         Not everything she had said to Nick had been a lie. Nuriko  _had _been the only one who understood her. How could he not? He had lived as a woman for so long that he couldn't help but understand the female mind. So when the others thought she was strange, or overreacting, Nuriko was there to wipe away her tears and make her laugh. 

         He had also been the one to comfort her when Tamahome had shunned her attempts to comfort _him_ after his family had been brutally murdered. They had spent that night huddled around a small fire as Nuriko told story after story  to get her mind off the horrors of what she had seen. It had not been until they were in their bedrolls that he had quietly suggested they leave without Tamahome the next morning, and she had agreed. 

         Now she sat in a slow moving taxicab, leaving behind the man she had fallen so deeply in love with. He was right, she no longer loved Tamahome like she did, but still….she still loved him. He deserved more than her suddenly telling him it was over, that she was in love with one of his fellow warriors. No matter how much she was hurting now; she couldn't bring herself to hurt him that way. 

         As they approached the airport, she wiped her eyes and pulled a compact mirror from her purse, checking to make sure mascara hadn't stained her cheeks.  As the car slowed to a halt she took a deep breath and paid the driver. Emerging from the vehicle she lowered her head against the falling rain and waited patiently as the cabbie withdrew her suitcase from the trunk. She smiled her thanks and hurried into the terminal.

         After checking her bag she headed for the appropriate gate, pausing as Tamahome's lithe frame came into view. Her eyes ran over his features as a lump formed in her throat. She had loved him so much, had sacrificed so much to be with him. How could she walk away from him now, when after so much time would truly be together? 

              _How can you stay with Tamahome when you love Nick? _A small voice whispered in her ear, and with a start, she realized it was true. She couldn't.

              Yes, it was true that she had once loved Tamahome more than life itself, but time had changed her mind and heart. The demands of the real world had taken a toll on their young love and she knew without a doubt that even though Tamahome held a special place in her heart, she could not spend the rest of her life with him. To do so would imprison them both in a life neither of them wanted. 

         For the first time in months, Miaka's heart lightened. Putting one foot in front of the other, she slowly made her way towards her former love, finding it easier with each step. As she approached him she smiled, not stopping until they faced toe to toe. She set her carry-on bag on the floor beside her feet and tilted her head back to look into his gray eyes. Sucking in a deep breath she began to speak. 

               "Tamahome, I can't go to Japan."

         "You can't go to Japan." Tamahome said in the same instant, their words blending together. 

         He smiled as confusion filled her eyes. 

              "What do you mean I can't go to Japan?" She asked curiously. 

         "You're in love with Nuriko." He replied simply.

         "How….how did you…."

         "Well, it was obvious to me right away that he had to be Nuriko, but Kat's confirmed it by telling me he was remembering things. Or she kind of did; she told me he called her 'Kourin' when she went to see him last night. I put two and two together."

         "Kat? You know Kat?" Miaka's eyebrows met as she gazed up at the tall man in front of her. 

         Tamahome smiled slightly and grasped one of her hands in his. "Miaka….I'm in love with Kat." He said softly.

         Confusion clouded her mind and she shook her head. "I don't understand. How do you know Kat?"

         "I met her at the bookstore the day of the signing. We've….been spending a lot of time together since then."

         Miaka bit her lip and stared at him for a moment. "What happened to us?" She asked, ignoring the push of people around them. 

         "I think we just grew up." He answered honestly. "Let's face it, Miaka, we were young and didn't know anything about anything. I have no doubt we loved each other but I think that instead of it maturing it changed into what it is now. I still love you and always will but it's different somehow. I want to see you happy and I know being with me isn't going to do it. Us staying together is going to do nothing but make us both miserable, you know that." 

         She nodded as a tear fell from the corner of her eye. Happiness lighting her face, she threw her arms around his neck, holding on tight. "I'm so happy for you." She said passionately. "You and Kat will make a wonderful couple." 

         "And so will you and Nick. Nuriko loved you,… I think he always did, even from the beginning. We just never saw past his clothes." 

         Miaka nodded against his shoulder, knowing he was only half right. 

               "Well what do you know…looks like someone followed you." Tamahome said brightly. 

              She could hear the smile in his voice and pulled away to look behind her. A brilliant smile lit her face and she couldn't contain the small laugh that escaped her throat. "Thank God…he didn't believe me!" She stated happily, thankful that Nick had not taken her cruel words to heart. 

         Tamahome felt his heart warm at the happiness on Miaka's face. It had been a long time since he had seen that expression. Tapping the two plane tickets he was holding against his thigh he grinned as an idea came to him. "Wait here." He whispered in Miaka's ear before walking past her to head off the very determined looking man heading their way.

         He paused as they neared one another, the grin on his face widening. He didn't realize until this moment how good it felt to see his old friend again. "Nuriko." He said simply.

         "Tama-kins." Nick replied, crossing his arms over his chest, a slow grin spreading across his own face. The anger he had felt on the ride to the airport took a temporary backseat to his pleasure at seeing his old comrade. He couldn't help but be happy to be connected with a part of his past, even if that part was his present rival. 

         Tamahome frowned. "I'm still not a cat."

         "No, but you're still an idiot." Nick shot back, not relenting even when he saw the taller man flinch. 

         Tamahome rubbed the back of his neck and laughed. "Yeah I guess I am. I didn't do the one thing I was supposed to-make Miaka happy. But I'm hoping to make up for my past mistakes right now." 

Grabbing one of Nick's wrists he pulled his arm from his chest and slapped the two tickets into his open palm.

         "What's this?" 

         "You once helped me get the girl and now it's my turn to return the favor."

         The raven-haired young man stared up at him and frowned. "I don't get it."

         Tamahome sighed. "You love her right?"

         "Yeah."

         "You plan to marry her right?"

         "If she'll have me." 

         "I think we both know the answer to that. Well, consider this my wedding gift. The only thing I can do now to make Miaka happy is to let her go. She loves _you_, Nuriko, not me."

         Tamahome's words sunk in and Nick's fingers wrapped around the tickets; a wide grin came to his face, but then disappeared. "You know I should still kick your ass for stealing my sister's heart." He said sternly.

         The younger man's eyes widened in surprise. "You know about us?"

         "Yeah I saw you playing kissy face on the sidewalk the other night."

         Tamahome's cheeks flushed and he averted his gaze. "Yeah, well, about that…."  
         "I trust Kat. I know she wouldn't do anything like that if she didn't truly care for someone." His grin returned and he socked Tamahome in the shoulder, causing him to stumble slightly. "Doesn't mean we aren't going to have a _long_ talk when I get back." 

         Warmth filled Tamahome's eyes and he couldn't resist pulling the younger man into a quick embrace. "I'll look forward to it." He said quietly, tears coming to his eyes. It was so good to have his friend back.

         Nick met Miaka's gaze over Tamahome's shoulder and grinned. Suddenly everything else disappeared and he could think of nothing but holding her in his arms. He pulled away from the other man's embrace and made his way to Miaka slowly, his eyes drinking in the site of her features as if he hadn't seen her for years. He felt the weight of the two tickets in his hand and his grin broadened. 

         "Nick I-" Miaka started to say when he stopped in front her, her words abruptly cut off as he lay one finger over her lips.

         "Don't say anything." He answered softly, one finger coming up to rest on her lips. Leaning down he removed the single digit, his mouth stopping a breath away from hers. "Just…" His words trailed off as their lips met. 

         Nick's arms wrapped around her small waist, holding her tight against his lean frame, the crowd around them faded as their bodies melded together. His hands traveled the length of her back, ending at the small of her back where he pushed gently, holding her even tighter against him. The taste of her tears squeezed his heart and he deepened the kiss, telling her without words how much he loved her. He felt more than heard her moan and his body responded, his jeans suddenly becoming uncomfortable. Pulling away from her slowly he grinned down into her bemused face and ran a finger down the side of her cheek. 

         "I would love nothing more than to continue this in a more private setting but we have a plane to catch."

         Miaka's eyebrows furrowed in incomprehension and she shook her head. "But I told Tamahome I wasn't…." Her words trailed away as she saw the plane tickets in Nick's hand and a smile curved her lips. "Hold that thought." She said quickly and moved past him to throw herself into Tamahome's arms. 

         The startled young man wrapped his arms around her reflexively and laughed slightly as Miaka's arms squeezed him tight. "What's all this? If you don't hurry, you guys will miss your plane."

         "Thank you." Miaka whispered, tears of happiness wetting her cheeks. "Thank you so much."

         Tamahome's smile softened and he stroked her hair. "No….thank _you, _Miaka. Thank you for loving me all these years. When you get back, we'll _all _get together for a long talk." 

         She nodded against his neck and pulled away with a sniff. As she looked up at the man standing before her, for a moment she saw the old Tamahome, the young man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. The easy smile was back where it used to be and the light in his eyes was something she hadn't realized she'd missed until this moment. Grabbing his hand, she squeezed it quickly then turned to hurry back to Nick's side. 

         As their hands met and fingers entwined, Nick's free hand came up in a farewell to his friend. Any guilt he had felt, no matter how small, vanished as he saw the genuine smile of happiness on Tamahome's face. Nick gave his friend a small wink, and then pulled Miaka behind him as he quickly made his way to the boarding gate.

         Tamahome stood motionless in the busy terminal, watching as his best friend and his former love disappeared into the crowd lining up to board the plane. He waited for anger at the final separation to overcome him- or sadness at the very least- but felt nothing except  happiness and a sense of satisfaction that he had finally done the right thing.

 Kat's face sprung to the forefront of his mind and he grinned. Glancing at his watch he turned and set out at a run., thinking that by the time he acquired a rental car and directions to the quickest way into the city, the jewelry store should just be opening.


End file.
